Another World | ✔️

Chapter Ten

Trigger Warnings
Drugs
Suicide
Self Harm

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I walk quietly to Zoe's car, ignoring all the people as they shoulder past me. I can hear a few whispers, but I try to not care. I don't know how Evan is able to brush it off so easily. Words are like daggers to me. I won't lie and say they're not. They only hurt more from some people than from others.

As I open the passenger door and sit in the seat I see Zoe coming around the corner. I think back to lunch when she followed me out into the halls, calling after me and then running off. It's not like her. She normally tries to avoid me at all costs. This would normally be the first time I have seen her or spoke to her all day.

As she sits in the driver's seat and closes the door, I look over at her. She doesn't look back as she starts the car, closing her eyes briefly before pulling out.

"Zoe?"

For a moment she is silent. I can tell she doesn't want to talk to me, and I sigh and turn away, looking out the window. I can't bear to look at her. Not right now.

"You don't know how long it had been since I saw you smile."

I blink and turn back to look at her as she finally speaks. I can see a mix of emotions in her eyes. I never imagined something so small throwing her. Something as simple as a forced smile. But here she is, struggling to figure things out.

"I'm sorry," I murmur, looking back out the window. I don't know what else to say. I don't know if I could say anything that would help. I figure it's best for me to say nothing at all. "Care to drop me off at the park?"

"Connor. . ."

"Come on, Zoe."

"Fine. . ."

As we get closer to the open gate, Zoe slows to a stop. Without looking at her, I open the door and step out, shutting it behind me. I step away, only looking back when I hear her drive down the road. For a moment I stand there, gazing back towards the welcome sign that Evan refurbished. I still find it hard to believe he was here nearly every day and I never noticed. I guess I was always too high to see what was going on around me.

I don't know why, but these past few days I've not smoked. I have several joints at home, but I haven't touched them. Not since the day he came over. Usually when I come here, that's why I'm here, but not today.

Today I just. . . I want to take it all in. Ellison Park.

Evan says this is where he broke his arm, and I guess that's why he wasn't so sure about taking a walk here. I'm sure the memory is hard to deal with, especially if my speculations are correct. I still just can't let myself believe that he just climbed a tree for no reason and happened to fall. There's too much that doesn't make sense.

Just like it doesn't make sense that you two are "friends."

Ugh. . .

I feel my heart racing as the horrible feeling returns. Why now? Why when I've been feeling so. . . Better?

Better? Ha! You know he doesn't even care. He only pities you. He's only pretending because you have no one.

Stop. . .

You know how to make it stop!

I groan softly and sit down on a nearby bench, pulling my phone out of my pocket. I want to just text him, but the voices in my head tell me otherwise. They tell me that he doesn't care. No one cares. No one wants to see me like this. Why would they?

Heart still pounding, I roll up my sleeves. Being alone, I don't care to exposed my scarred wrists. I look down at the dozens of marks, some more faded than others. I know that if I had that tiny piece of sharp metal with me now there would be several fresh marks, but it's at home in a draw, hidden from my parents and Zoe. They know I've done it, but they have never succeeded in stopping me. Sometimes it seems like they don't even care. I mean, why should they?

I'm just the broken boy. The one who's always high. The one who was kicked out of school. The one who was sent to rehab. The one who is always alone. The one who no one talks to. That's me. I'm him.

I think back to the whispers and glances. Everyone hates me. Well. . . They hate my reputation. They hate who they see. Now. . . Now the whispers aren't only for me. They're for Evan now, too, and it bothers me.

Don't ruin his life for your own sake.

I can't help but wonder if I should listen. Should I text him now and apologize, let him know it's okay if he doesn't want to be friends? I don't want him to feel like he has to be friends with me, but at the same time I wonder how that would make me look. Would I look like an attention seeker? Do I look like one already? Does he already think it's all just an act?

Just think about it. . . Just think about it. . .