Another World | ✔️

Chapter Forty

Trigger Warnings
Suicide
Depression
Divorce

🌳 🌳 🌳

Dear Evan Hansen,
     Today is going to be a good day, and here's why: because today— today, you are alive. The voices, those terrible voices, they were wrong. People do care. People do want me to be here.
     Mom loves you. She wants you to stay. She wants you to be okay. She wants you to be happy. She says that you're the best thing that's ever happened to her, and she doesn't know what she would do without you. She's here, no matter how far away she may seem.
     For the first time, you have friends. Connor, Zoe, Jared, Alana; they all care. They're your greatest support system. When you're feeling down, they'll always be here for you. They want you to be here too. They're glad that you're alive.

I click on a text as it pops up on the top of my screen. Normally I would be surprised to see a text from Dad, but he had texted me earlier to check up on me. I guess Mom must have told him. This text, however, is a picture.

Two little girls holding a tiny baby boy. That's Holly, Ashleigh, and Ollie. My little sisters and my baby brother. It feels weird calling them that when we've never met, but they're still my family. I still love them.

     Your baby brother was born last night. He's healthy, and Dad says that he looks just like you did when you were born. Holly and Ashleigh both look like Theresa, and you can see them both in Ollie, but. . . You can see yourself too. You must both take after your dad.

I stop walking as I pass Ellison Park. I can see the sign that I restored over the summer. It's dirty from leaf dust now, but when it rains it will look new again. In a few days, the rangers will come and decorate with pumpkins in preparation for Halloween. For now, though, it's just nature. That's how I like it.

     Life isn't always easy. Some days you don't want to go on. You want to give up, and sometimes you try. You used to think that the lucky ones were those who succeeded, but now. . . Now you see that the lucky ones are the ones who fail. The ones who survive.
     Hospital visits are awful. Recovery hurts, and it's not easy. Having new medication and increased therapy is horrible. That's all true.
     You learn, though, that things get better. Some days are hard, but there will always be someone who is there for you. They want you to be okay. They want you to be alive. They want to help you.
     So remember, even in your darkest days, there will be light. It may take days or weeks, but you will see it. You're not alone. No one is alone. No one deserves to disappear. Not even those of us who no one seems to know. We all matter. Each and every one of us. Remember all of these things, but most importantly, remember this:

I smile as I knock on the door and Cynthia answers. She's excited to see me, just like the first day I visited. She welcomes me inside, and I see Connor, Zoe, and Larry watching tv in the living room. Zoe jumps up to greet me and Connor laughs softly. Larry rolls his eyes, but smiles at me. "Hey, Kiddo."

I say hello to each of them and Zoe leads me over to the couch where I sit with her and Connor. I can't help but smile as Connor rests an arm on each of our shoulders. For the first time in weeks, I feel at peace.

I think back to the letter I wrote on the first day of school. The letter that Connor found that led him to ask me if I wanted to hang out. Now, several weeks later, he's become my best friend. He found me when no one else could. I was lost. I was alone and hurting. I felt like I had no one.

But now. Now I have someone. Not just one person, but many. More people than I ever thought would care for me. More people than I ever imagined I would call my friends. More people than I ever thought would want me here.

Now I have Connor. Now I have Zoe. Now I have Jared. Now I have Alana.

Now I have a reason to stay.

     Even when the dark comes crashing through. When you need a friend to carry you. When you're broken on the ground. . . You will be found.
          Sincerely,
          Me