Another World | ✔️

Chapter Seventeen

Trigger Warnings
Depression
Self-Harm
Suicide

🌳 🌳 🌳

It's been a long week.

Man it's been a long week.

It's Friday, and I couldn't be more relieved. I'm sitting on my bed now, shaking terribly. I don't understand why. I had felt so much better. All the thoughts had finally went away. I had a friend now. A friend who cared. But. . . I'm sitting alone in my room, staring at my dresser.

They don't care.

Connor doesn't care.

Zoe doesn't care.

Jared doesn't care.

Alana doesn't care.

No one cares.

I can feel my heart racing as the words fill my mind. I know it's true. No one cares.

No one cares.

No one cares.

I can feel my phone vibrating every now and then, but I choose to ignore it. Why? Whoever it is doesn't really care. That's what the voices want me to believe. That's what I'm starting to believe.

You can dig it out of the garbage can. You know it's still there.

I stand and shakily make my way to the bin in the corner of my room, digging through it until I feel the sharp piece of metal. I take it out and hold it in my hand, looking down at it. I think about it for a minute, but I'm too scared. What if Mom came home? What if she saw? Instead, I open a drawer and throw it inside before moving back to my bed.

Chicken!

Leave me alone!

As I sit back down, tears start forming in the corners of my eyes. I try to hold back, but I can't. Within a few moments, they start falling down my cheeks. My phone is still vibrating beside me. I still ignore it.

Just do it, wimp!

No!

My phone won't stop now. It's a constant buzz. Someone is calling me. After a moment's hesitation, I pick it up and answer.

"H-hello. . ."

"Evan? Are. . . Are you crying?"

My cry turns into a sob as I hear Connor's question. For a moment I just stumble over my words, unable to form a reply. My head is pounding, making it harder to push the thoughts away. "I. . . I-I. . ."

"Breathe, Ev. . . It's okay. . ."

"Pl. . . Please," I cry. "Pl-please help. . ."

"Evan, what's wrong?"

"Th-they won't st-stop. I-I want t-to. . . I w-want to die. . ."

"Ev. . . No. . . Please, no. . . I-I'm coming over, okay? J-just hang on, o-okay? I'll be there soon."

"No you— you don't n-need to. I-I'm okay."

"That's a lie, Evan. I'm coming over. I'll be there soon. Just please don't do anything stupid before I get there. Just give me ten minutes."

I hang up without a reply. I look at the notifications on my phone. They're all from Connor except for a few; an unknown number saying it's Zoe. I can see they've been trying to reach me for an hour now.

I've been like this for an hour. . ?

After what feels like ages, I hear the front door open and someone comes running up the steps. I look up as my door opens, seeing Connor running over towards me and sitting down, wrapping me in a hug. Zoe follows more slowly behind him, standing in the doorway and watching nervously.

I don't hesitate to grab Connor tightly and bury my face in his shoulder. I'm crying so hard now I can't breathe, and I feel Zoe come and stroke my back with a dainty hand. "It's okay," she whispers. "We're here."

I'm able to calm down a bit now, but my breathing is still shaky. I can see that Connor is crying now too, and I fear that I've hurt him in some way. Why must I be so selfish? I should have answered sooner— pretended everything was fine. I would still be alone now, but no else would have to hurt.

"When. . . When y-you broke it," I hear Connor say quietly. "Ev. . . Did you fall? Or. . . Or did you let go?"

The words pierce my heart like a dagger. I tried so hard to hide it. I thought that I was getting better and I wouldn't have this feeling again, but now that it's back.

You should have died!

"I-I thought. . . I thought it w-would help. . . I-I thought that. . . I thought th-that. . . I. . . I sh-should've d-died. . ."

"Evan. . ."

They're both hugging me now, and I feel the tears start pouring again. Last time. . . Last time no one came running to me. No one even noticed that I fell. It was like I never even made a sound. It was as if nothing would have changed if I had succeeded. It was almost as if I was supposed to die there.

"Evan I wouldn't even. . . I wouldn't even be alive right now. . ."

I hear a choking sob from Zoe as Connor says this. She didn't know the truth before now. She hadn't yet realized that Connor had meant to milk himself last week. Now she knew. . . And now she knew how broken I am. . .

"I'm sorry. . ." I whisper. "I'm sorry. . ."