Another World | ✔️

Chapter Eighteen

Trigger Warnings
Depression
Suicide

🌳 🌳 🌳

"You really don't need to stay. . . I'll be okay. . ."

"I'm not leaving you alone right now," Connor says quietly. "I can't. . ."

I sigh shakily, closing my eyes. For now, I'm okay. Having Connor and Zoe here helped. It was calming, knowing that someone cared. The voices had finally faded away, leaving behind a numb, broken feeling. I'm tired now, wanting nothing but to curl up in my bed and fall asleep.

Knowing that I can't change Connor's mind, I look up at Zoe. "Are you okay to drive home. . ? I'm sure Mom wouldn't mind. . ."

"I'll be okay," Zoe promises, giving me a weak smile. "Just, call if you need me, okay?" As she says this, she walks over and hugs me tight. I hug her back gently, wishing it would linger a bit longer.

When Zoe lets go, she backs away, standing there in the doorway for a moment before turning and leaving me and Connor alone in my room. I worry that she's too upset to drive, but I don't call after her to stay. Instead, I turn and look to Connor. "You didn't have to come."

"I couldn't just let you do it," he says quietly, closing his eyes. "I was scared, Evan."

I sigh and look down at my hands. "I was too. . ."

"You know I'm here for you, right?" Connor murmurs. "You could've called. I would've came sooner."

"I didn't want to bother you," I whisper. "And the voices. . ." I trail off as my voice starts to crack. I try to steady myself, but he pulls me in for another hug.

"I understand. . ."

After a moment, we pull apart. The room is silent for a moment, and it seems so loud. I can't stop thinking about all that's happened. How much it hurt. How much I've cried. I feel so. . . So awful. It's like I'm not even myself anymore. I. . . I let them see the worst of me. . .

"Please don't tell anyone," I whisper. "About any of this."

"I won't, but. . . If you need help. . ."

"I'll be okay," I say quickly. I silently hope that's not a lie. Right now it doesn't feel like being okay is possible. It feels so distant. So impossible. But I have Connor and Zoe. They. . . They actually care enough to come and make sure I'm okay. . . "I'm sorry. . . I-I'm sorry that I scared you."

"All that matters is you're still here," he murmurs. "That's all that matters right now."

I sigh softly and shake my head. I don't understand why he cares. Two weeks ago he didn't even know me. Two weeks ago it wouldn't have mattered if I did it. Would it. . ?

Then I remember. If I had, we would both be dead. No one would have stopped him, and there would be two empty seats at graduation. Not just one. Not just mine.

I'm surprised I have any tears left to cry, but they start rolling again. I can't stop them. Once they start, there's no going back. I try, but there's nothing I can do. I can feel Connor wrap himself around me in a hug, but I don't move. I don't have the strength to.

"I'm a mess. . ."

"It's okay. Just let it out. It'll help you feel better."

I take a shaky breath and lean into him, closing my eyes as tears stream down my cheeks. I can feel him rubbing my back, murmuring softly. I can't really hear what he's saying, but I can guess by his tone.

"I'm sorry. . ." I say quietly. "I-I know I'm broken. You don't have to stay. . ."

"I'm not leaving, Ev," Connor murmurs. "I'm not letting you be alone right now. It's not safe."

"I'm not going to do it. . ."

"Still," he says. "I'm staying right here. Whether you want me to or not."

I sigh and look up at him. It's hard to look him in the eyes, but I somehow manage. "Thank you. . . No one. . . No one has ever cared before. . ."

"Friends are supposed to care," he says. "No one ever cared for me, but you seem to. If nothing else, you pretend to. I have to repay that somehow."

I close my eyes, hands in my lap. For a moment I'm quiet, thinking. Thinking; that's what got me into this mess in the first place. I was alone with my thoughts. Just like the day I tried before.

"Can we. . . Can we just watch a movie or something. . ?" I ask quietly. "I need to get my mind off this. . ."

"Of course," Connor says, reaching down and pulling my laptop out from under my bed. He gives it to me to unlock and log in. We go back and forth for a few minutes on what to watch before finally settling on something and sitting shoulder-to-shoulder to see the screen. Maybe, just maybe, this day wouldn't end so bad.