Another World | ✔️

Chapter Thirty-Three

Trigger Warnings
Suicide
Depression
Divorce
Cursing

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"Thank you for offering to drive me home, Cynthia. You didn't have to."

"No need to thank me, Heidi. It's the least I can do."

It's hard leaving Evan when he still hasn't woken, but Dr. Matthews insisted that I take a day to try to get some rest. When Cynthia came to bring Connor to visit, she offered to drive me home since I didn't have my car. I agreed, but asked that she let Connor stay with Evan while I'm home. I hate to ask that of her, but I can't stand the thought of him being alone. He needs someone to be there when he wakes up.

Connor was glad to stay, and Cynthia agreed. She tells me that he's been having a hard time, and she thinks that's the safest place he can be right now. She doesn't want him to dwell on his thoughts at home and he refuses to go back to school until Evan is awake.

"I don't want to have to answer any questions until I have something good to tell them. It's not like I could focus right now anyway."

I'm glad that Evan found a friend like him. I can tell that they are good for each other, and I hope that they stay in each other's lives for years to come.

The first thing I do when I step inside is go upstairs and sit on Evan's bed. It's hard to do, but I know that I can't stay away forever. Besides, I feel like this is where I should be when I tell him. I hope that being surrounded by memories of Evan will keep my anger concealed.

Hey Mark.
I thought you should see
this.
[ image ]
Evan has tried to take his
life. He mentioned you in
his note.

Arrangements?

Excuse me?

What are the
arrangements?

I can hardly believe my eyes. How did I ever love this man? He's so selfish and heartless. He doesn't even seem to care.

He's not dead.
He's in the hospital and
he's going to survive.
They extubated
yesterday.

Well.

Well?

I can't exactly come to
New York every time
there's an accident.
Theresa will be having
the baby soon. I can't
leave her.

Your son just tried to
kill himself and you're
more worried about
your wife having a baby
without you being
there?

He'll be okay.

I'm furious now. He doesn't care. He doesn't care at all. Why does Evan even still care for him? Why does he even still claim him as his father?

Well I hope that you're
proud of your big
decision. I hope that it's
all that you want and
more.

Heidi.

It's obvious that you
don't care about him,
Mark. I won't tell him
about this, but only for
his sake.

Bullsh*t.

F*ck you.

F*ck you.

That's the end of the conversation. I throw my phone down on the bed and put my hands on my face. This shouldn't be happening. None of this should. Evan should be sitting in class at school right now. He should be coming smiling this evening because it was a good day. He shouldn't be trapped in a hospital hooked to oxygen.

"What did I do wrong?"

My cry comes as a scream. "I've tried so hard. So f*cking hard. I just wanted him to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted, but he hates his life. He hates it so much he tried to end it and I didn't even see. Where did I mess up so bad?"

I keep replaying the scene over and over again. I come home and Evan's fine. He just overslept. Maybe he was up late texting Zoe. Maybe he was playing a game with Connor and Jared. Maybe he was studying with Alana. All he needed was to get a little extra sleep.

I try so hard to pick up the pieces. Things could have been so different. My instinct could have been wrong, but it wasn't. I found my little boy laying lifeless here in his bed. The empty bottle is still there on the desk, the lid laying beside it. The evidence.

It's hard, but I manage to pick the bottle up and walk downstairs. I tie it up in a brown bag before throwing it in the garbage and putting paper towels over it. When Evan comes home, he won't want to see that. He won't want the reminders.

I don't want the reminders.

All I want is to see his smile again. All I want is to hear his voice. All I want is to wake up from this terrible nightmare and hug my son tighter than I ever have before.

Because right now, I'm alone. The house feels so big, and I feel so small. I want my little guy here to fill the empty space in my heart.