Chapter Twenty-Four

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Trigger Warnings
Depression
Suicide

🌳 🌳 🌳

I smile as I sit with Connor at lunch. He seems surprised, but he doesn't question it. I guess he's just glad to see me smile and hear me laugh. At one point, he touches my bruise gently, and I notice Jared glance at us out of the corner of my eye. My face grows hot, knowing what thoughts must be going through his head.

Soon it won't matter.

"You okay?"

I shake away the thought, letting the smile return to my face. "Yeah, I'm fine," I say. He doesn't seem convinced, but he doesn't push me any further. He must see no reason to reopen the fresh wounds. Neither Hudson or Tucker have lunch with us, and I'm grateful for that. I can see Connor getting mad and seeking revenge. I hate that he would put himself at risk for me, but I know that he wouldn't want me to feel bad. He's just trying to help.

Would he really, though? He doesn't really care about you. He just feels sorry for you.

I wish that I could believe that wasn't true, but the voices have convinced me at this point. Right now I'm just playing along, knowing that no one will catch on. Even if they did catch on, would they really care?

"Hey, do you want to come over this evening?" Connor asks. "Mom and Dad will be out so it'll just be us and Zoe."

"Oh, sure," I say, smiling brighter. "If you want me to."

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't," he replies. "You know that."

"Then I'll come. What time?"

"Just whenever. You could ride home with us if you want. I'm sure Zoe wouldn't mind."

"Sure, sounds like a plan. I think it's supposed to be raining this evening anyway so walking may not be the best option."

Connor agrees, chuckling slightly. I'm glad when I look up at the clock and see that lunch is over for me. I love talking to Connor, but I'm just not in the mood to pretend to be cheerful right now. Not with the voices screaming at me. My head is pounding by now, and I know that the pain won't go away any time soon.

"Hey, Evan?"

As I'm standing up, I hear Connor speak. I blink and look down at him, confused. He blinks back at me, smiling weakly. "You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

"I know," I assure him. "Thank you, Connor."

"It's nothing. I'll see you this evening."

"See ya."

Without another word, I stand and make my way out of the cafeteria. I catch Jared looking at me as I walk by, but I don't stop to speak to him. If he wanted to talk he could wave me over. There's no need for me to go out of my way just to be pushed away again. Instead I simply nod and keep walking.

Most of the rest of the school day is spent in silence. I'm grateful that the day is rather uneventful, just the usual whispers as I pass through the hallway. I'm almost certain I hear my name and feel stares burning into me, but I try to ignore it. I don't say another word until I walk outside and make my way over to Zoe's car. She's already there, putting her bag in the trunk.

"Oh, hey, Evan," Zoe says, smiling softly in my direction. "How was your day?"

"Hey, Zoe," I smile back. "It was fine. Connor said that I could ride home with you two. Is that okay?"

"Of course! Connor should be out here in a minute. His seventh period is upstairs so it takes him a minute."

I nod slightly, watching and waiting until I see Connor walking towards us with his hands in his pockets. He nods in greeting when he gets close. I nod back and slip into the rear driver side seat of the car. I'm surprised when Connor slips in beside me instead of getting in the front beside Zoe.

"You don't have to sit back here with me," I tell him.

"Maybe I want to," he snickers. "I sit with Zoe every day, I can sit with you today."

I smile a bit, looking down at my hands as they rest in my lap. I fall silent again, unable to make conversation. I have so much on my mind, but nothing that I want to talk about with Connor and Zoe.

"Well, aren't we a lively bunch," Zoe grunts, glancing at us in her rear view mirror. She grabs a knob on the dash and twists it, turning up the music that was playing softly moments before. After a few lines, she starts singing along. Connor smiles at the sound, and I can't help but smile too.

As we pull into their driveway, Zoe pulls out her phone and holds it up in front of her, adjusting it until you can see me and Connor in the background. We both straighten ourselves, pulling closer together. Zoe throws up a peace sign before snapping a picture. "That's going on Instagram."

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