Remember When...?

1.

November 20th, 2019

Ally

"People were telling me to stop. But I just couldn't. Ever since I had my first orgasm, I wanted to have more. And more. And more. Most importantly...I wanted to have them with him." I explain.

Molly nodded, writing it down.

"How did he make you feel?" She asked.

"He made me feel a lot of things. Sexy. Wanted. Happy...Love." I mumble the last word.

"Why so quiet on the last word?" She asked.

I fiddle with my thumbs, looking down at my white painted nails.

"Because I wasn't supposed to fall in love. It was part of the deal." I say.

"What deal?" She pressed.

I look up at her.

"The deal that we'd have sex...with no strings attached." I reply.

* * *

Ally went home that evening satisfied. Even though all he did was finger her, she felt a new wave of confidence. One that was more surreal than anything. She knew that what her and Ben had going on wouldn't last, but she'll make the most of it while she can.

Entering her shared apartment with her best friend Jasmine, Ally made her way to the kitchen for a drink. Pouring herself a small glass of whiskey, she downed it in half a second. The light patter of feet let her know that Jasmine was making her way to the kitchen.

"Ally Cat?" Jasmine used the nickname she had for Ally, rubbing sleep from her eyes.

"Hey Jazzy." Ally replied, grinning.

"What are you doing out so late? Don't you have work in the morning?" Jasmine asked, looking at Ally questioningly.

Ally glanced at the stove clock, cursing herself quietly. It was going on 3am. Sighing, she turned to face her half sleep best friend.

"Yeah." Ally replied, placing her glass in the sink.

Jasmine crosses her arms over her chest.

"Where were you Ally?" She asked.

At Ben's apartment, Ally thought.

"Working." She lied.

"This late? Are they not aware that you're with them 7 months out of the year?" Jasmine questioned.

Ally mentally rolled her eyes at Jasmine. All of these questions were making her restless. She just wanted to go to bed.

"We're traveling tomorrow. We just wanted to make sure that we had everything ready before we head to Detroit." Ally explained, which was the truth.

The two stood there staring at one another until Jasmine sighed in defeat. She knew not to push Ally. Ally was short tempered and very hot headed. She didn't like when anything or anyone irked her to a breakdown.

"Okay." Jasmine exclaimed. "For the record, you missed dinner with Alex and I."

After that, Jasmine left the kitchen. Ally groaned as she face palmed herself. It completely slipped her mind that she was supposed to be having dinner with Jasmine and her boyfriend that night.

"I didn't wanna third wheel anyway." Ally mumbled, putting the bottle of liquor back where she got it from.

Turning off the lights in the living area, she made her way to her room on the opposite side of the apartment. Closing her door, she headed straight to her bed.

Kicking off her black sneakers and undoing the top two buttons on her blue polo, she remembered that she wasn't wearing undergarments. A light blush began to coat her cheeks as she remembered what transpired only two hours ago.

Taking a deep calming breath, she took off the remainder of her clothing. She slipped on an old band t-shirt and made her way to her attached bathroom to brush her teeth.

After doing her nightly routine, she got under the blue comforter and tried to invite sleep. However, all she could think about was Ben and what this deal required.

* * *

"I went to work that next day, still shy as ever. I mean...yeah we had had conversations before. But after we had our first sexual encounter, things were beginning to feel different. I was actually afraid that it would strain our friendship. Actually, I was straining relationships with other people." I explain.

"How so?" Molly asked.

I swallow.

"Well, I'm still at the beginning and how it all started. But I'll tell you that as time progressed, and I was growing more attached, I saw him as someone who could do no wrong. But I was wrong." I say.

She nods, writing it down.

"Every time I saw him, it ignited something in me. Til this day, I don't know what it is. But it was there, and I was too stubborn to let it go." I explain.

"Did anyone else sense anything between you two?" She asked.

"No. We kept everything on the low for as long as we could." I say.

She nods.

"Did you sense anything between the two of you?" She asked.

"I did. I truly did. That's why I fell in love with him. I just had this feeling that we could be something more." I explain.

"And where did that leave you?" She asked.

I hesitate before answering her question.

"Heartbroken." I say, swallowing hard as tears well up in my eyes. "And pregnant."

Her jaw dropped. She glanced down at my 5 month stomach.

"Congratulations." She exclaimed, looking back up at me.

"Thank you." I mumble.

"Do you know what you're having?" She asked.

I shake my head. She nods.

"Well...how do you feel?" She asked.

I feel my lower lip quiver as a tear rolls down my cheek.

"Alone." I answer.

"Why is that?" She questioned.

"Because I pushed everyone close to me away. I was...tired of people telling me what to do." I explain, rubbing my forehead to avoid breaking down. "Now I wish I didn't because I don't know what to do."

Molly handed me a box of tissues. I thank her as I take one out to blow my nose.

"I'm so sorry. It's the hormones." I exclaim.

"No worries. Take your time." She said.

I blow my nose, wiping at the tears on my face.

"I don't know what possessed me to want to keep the baby...but I figured the baby would be the only thing I had left of him, being that he told me we couldn't do what we were doing anymore." I explain.

"I understand. Try divorcing the love of your life and having 3 kids to remind you everyday of what the two of you used to have." She exclaimed, chuckling to herself.

I sniffle, which only led to more crying.

"Wrong choice of words?" She winced.

I nod, blowing my nose again.

Yes, very wrong choice of words.