Remember When...?

7.

Ally

"If you could...go back and do anything differently, what would it be?" Molly asked.

"It would definitely be falling in love." I answer.

"Why is that?" She asked.

"Because...I was weak. I was vulnerable. I guess you could say I needed closure, and he was the only one providing it. He took time out of his day to see how I was doing, when we first started hooking up of course." I explain. "Then when push came to shove, he turned his back on me. I trusted him...with a lot. I believed him when he said he'd never do anything to hurt me."

She nods in understanding.

"He took me for granted and I didn't even know it." I exclaim, sighing.

"Do you think that's what people were trying to tell you?" She asked.

"Yes. But I was too stupid to believe them. I was too stupid to listen or care." I mumble. "I pushed myself to see him as someone who was a saint. Someone who was worth the risk."

I fiddle with my thumbs, staring down into my lap as tears blur my vision.

"He made me look stupid; I cared for him like he was my boyfriend. In the end I was shat on." I say. "What we had was...temporary. I knew that. But I didn't know I wouldn't be able to handle not catching feelings for him."

"Earlier, you mentioned his on and off relationship with Kendall, and how he was beginning to switch up a little bit. What were those switch ups like?" She asked.

"For starters, he was a lot more rougher during sex. I didn't know if I'd be able to take all of it, but I did." I explain. "Aside from that, he was just really moody."

"How so?" She asked.

"One day he'll be all over me, the next he wouldn't even let me touch him. It confused me honestly. When we hooked up he'd always be in control, but there were times when he'd let me take control. Even outside of the bedroom." I explain, thinking back on everything. "I had made a rule that we'd have no sexual interactions while on the job, and he obeyed. Except for that one time, that I mentioned earlier."

"When he started to act different, I noticed how tense he got whenever I would talk to him, especially at work. It's almost like he wanted nothing to do with me, but still wanted me." I say. "It was just so weird."

* * *

Ally stood in the shower, thinking about what had took place with Ben a mere 2 hours ago. Him taking her from behind was definitely new to her, but it felt just as good. She still wondered why he wouldn't kiss her though.

Would he catch feelings? Would he want to experience this with someone else? These were questions she needed answers to.

Turning off the shower, she inhaled a deep breath and exhaled a few seconds after. She had often forgot to breathe when she was starting to overthink. It was quite aggravating.

Stepping out of the shower, she wrapped a towel around herself. She cleaned the fog off the mirror and looked at her reflection. She gasped upon seeing a shit ton of red marks on her light skin.

"Fuck!" She exclaimed, walking out of the bathroom.

Taking quick steps to her overnight bag, she grabbed her phone and FaceTimed Ben. She waited a few seconds for him to answer. When he didn't, she cursed under her breath. It wasn't long before a text message appeared on her screen.

B 🙈
What happen?

Instead of answering his text in words, she sent him pictures of her neck, chest and shoulders. She then typed in her response.

Ally ✌️
What the fuck man?

Tossing her phone onto the bed, she began to get dressed. Rubbing some Strawberry scented lotion onto her body first, then putting on her undergarments. By the time she was done with that, he had replied.

B 🙈
Oops 👀.

Rolling her eyes, she began to type her response.

Ally ✌️
This is not funny Ben.
I have to work tomorrow!

Instead of waiting on a response from him, she picked out what she would wear. She was only going to lounge around anyway. She would've went swimming in the hotel pool, but somebody decided they'd mark her skin with pending hickey's.

Slipping on a gray t-shirt and black running shorts, Ally decided that she was comfortable enough. She walked back over to her phone, sighing before reading his text.

B 🙈
It's not the end of the world Ally 🙄.
It's simply just marking my territory.
Put some make up on it, you'll be fine.

Ally growled, typing her reply.

Ally ✌️
You better stop 'marking your territory'.
This shit is not cool Ben, seriously.

Ally watched as the 'read' logo appeared under her message. Soon a gray bubble popped up. Then his message.

B 🙈
First of all, watch your mouth.
Second of all, I don't give a flying fuck what's cool and what's not.
Third, you're my girl and I'm going to let everyone know that.
Whether you like it or not, a deal is a deal.

Ally didn't even bother to reply, she just tossed the phone onto the bed. She sighed because she just knew that her mouth had got her into trouble of some kind. But she wasn't going to let that stop her from saying what she had to say.

* * *

"Did you ever feel unsafe when you were with him?" Molly asked.

I shook my head.

"No. Never." I answer.

"Not even through text?" She asked.

I shook my head again.

"Ben never tried to hurt me. Well, physically at least." I respond.

"How about mentally and emotionally?" She asked.

"If he hadn't mentally and emotionally disturbed me, I wouldn't be here giving my story right now." I say.

"That is true." She mumbled.

"As I had mentioned earlier, I was vulnerable. He saw me as his prey, so he took advantage of me. Physically, he'd have it his way every time." I explain. "Emotionally, I didn't see him as a threat. That's where the vulnerability kicks in. Mentally, however, I did. As time went on, his demands were becoming more fatal."

"He wanted me to cater to his every need and it was beginning to take a toll on me. At times I thought I wouldn't be physically capable to do any of it. Which led to me worrying that he would find someone else to do it for him and I didn't want that."

She nodded.

"I can still see my face today, remembering how torn I was that he would find another woman to replace me." I explain. "But he didn't, and I was very grateful for that."

"Did he ever take notice in these feelings?" She asked.

"No." I say.

"Why not?" She asked.

"Because that was a sign of love." I say. "And love was not in our deal."

A love that was not worth fighting for.