Numb

Letting it out

Karima and Emily sat in front of Bethany Saunders. Karima knew who Bethany was. After not being diagnosed with Autism, Karima was sent to Bethany to check on her "well-being".

"So Karima." A nice woman lead Karima to a brightly coloured room. There were activities like drawing and puzzles scattered about. The woman though told Karima to sit on a seat that at first appeared a bit too high for her before she finally managed to clamber on. The duo just chatted for a bit, about school, friends, favourite shows. Then the woman asked a question that she couldn't answer. "How's Home?"

Bethany Saunders has changed a bit. In 12 years since they last met, her hair was now showing streaks of grey, crow's feet had now appeared and the woman looked a lot more...tired.
"So..." she frowned looking at her clipboard, "I've been given the information by Dr.Matthews..." Bethany looked back at Karima who was suppressing the need to curse the doctor who diagnosed her. "...in that your weight has been fluctuating." Karima nodded. Bethany put on her signature purple horn rimmed glasses. "Can you pinpoint any reason?" Karima knew that she was kindly demanding an answer. So she gave one. "Stress?" It was more of an attempt than a definitive answer but it was something. Although Saunders wasn't impressed. "Can you expand?" Karima gulped. She wasn't going to go easy on her. "My home life...has caused me a lot of stress." Bethany leaned in. "The last time I saw you Karima...you told me that you didn't know about Home. In that you didn't know whether your life was OK." Karima could still remember that. Bethany continued. "Where things stressful then?" Karima cast her mind back but the only thing that came to mind was her mother's hesitance of assuring that she would love her daughter no matter what. So Karima shook her head. Bethany began scribbling notes down. "So when did things become stressful?"

Karima didn't want to throw her mother under any bus. So she explained that her fathers death when she was 9, made her mother a lot more stressed. "Did that distance you from her?" Bethany cut in. Karima didn't know what to say. The therapist looked to Emily. "I've been told that you don't speak to your mum." Karima gave a deep breath. "No we've not spoke in a while." Bethany raised an eyebrow. "Any idea why?" Karima nodded. "I wasn't...what she wanted me to be, what she expected of me." Bethany once again wrote down on her clipboard. "So..." she looked up at her client. "do you think that's had an impact on your weight?" Karima had to be honest here. "No. She always wanted me to be well fed." Bethany gave a weak smile. "That's nice." Karima didn't know whether that was sarcastic or not. Bethany came up with a solution. "For now I want you to start a food diary, you know what that is?" Karima nodded. She hated them. Bethany then looked at Emily. "And I trust you to keep an eye on her." Sonnett nodded. Bethany then sighed. "Unfortunately Karima, thats not the only thing we need to talk about." Karima groaned. She knew where this was going. "I've heard about the issues in your family."

Bethany leaned forward. "Your mum visited me recently." Karima bolted upwards. "When?" Bethany gave a small smile. "Just before the Olympic final." Karima was very surprised. "What did she talk about?" Karima desperately needed to know. "Just..." Bethany frowned "about how she missed you. How she wanted to reconnect with you and she didn't understand how you abandoned her after all the hard-" Karima felt rude doing this but she had to interrupt. "What was the hard work?" The rhetorical question took her therapist back. "I mean yes my mum fed, cleaned and helped me in some stuff but that was never without a..." Karima struggled to put her punishments into words. "...price." Bethany raised her eyebrows. "What was the price?" Karima winced as the memories came back to her.
"Um well she was, I don't want to exaggerate but she was abusive." The last word caught out Emily but not Bethany. The experienced therapist simply took off her glasses and wiped them before telling the teen "She did adopt a bit of a victim mentality."
This calmed Karima down a bit. She knew she couldn't have been the only one to notice that. Saunders continued "You say abuse and I don't want to pressure you but what sort of abuse? Can you give me any examples?"
Feeling Emily squeeze her hand in assurance, Karima looked to Bethany and gave all she could. "There was physical...the slaps, hits she did this stuff until I was in my mid-teens because at that point I was taller than her. Then for mental and emotional abuse, forgive me for not being able to distinguish them but it was just comparing me to others and saying I wasn't as good as them, trying to make me angry and just reminding me how much I was a failure to her-everyone actually and that no one could love me..."
Karima had to stop as she could feel her eyes burning with tears. Both Emily and Bethany were giving looks of sympathy and seemed quite emotional themselves. The older woman looked at her with sparkling eyes and softly said "Do you think the abuse...contributed to the start of your struggle with anorexia?" Karima shrugged. She was starting to regret sharing too much. After all what if no one looked at her the same way again?

To her surprise, Bethany stood up and gave both Emily and Karima a hug. She whispered into Karima's ear. "I assure you what she said was baloney." When they got in the car, Karima was met with a tearful kiss by Emily. "I'm so fucking proud of you." She told her.

AUTHORS NOTE: Remember mental, physical and emotional abuse are all abusive and should never be tolerated!