Breathless ~A Romanogers FanFiction

Chapter 31- My past

*Steves point of view*

After I heard the knock on the bedroom door, I got my breakfast and opened the door to find no one there. I know Clint, Wanda and Sam has gone but where was Nat? I walked down the hallway and saw Nat sitting at the kitchen table in front of a plate of food. I smiled weakly and joined her.

"What did they mean by 'I'm glad your taking care of yourself'?" I asked, embarrassed to look up and see her reaction.
"I have an eating disorder." She huffed, I could barely make out what she was saying but I immediately looked up. She was now staring at her food, playing with the scrambled egg in the plate.
"I'm really sorry, I should've-" she interrupted my apology.
"Steve, you were gonna find out at some point. Better to find out sooner rather than later." Her hand was subtly trembling on the table, I picked it up and placed it in mine.
"Nat, don't be embarrassed. We all have different lifestyles and ways of living! I'm not going to leave because of this." I reassured.
"There are plenty of things you would leave if you found out." She whispered, barely audible.
"Natasha Romanoff," I tried to sound stern, yet make sure I wasn't treating her like a small child. "Please look at me," she looked up at me, her eyes were laced with briming tears which were threatening to fall with every seconds."I don't ever want to leave you. Your the best thing that's ever happened in my life, your absolutely perfect. I don't care about what happened in your past, I don't care about any form of mental illness that you have because I will sit with you and help you through it all, while we look forward into our future. I'm here with you till the end of the line." I watched the tears fall down her perfect face as my speech progressed. I just wanted her to know how amazing she is.

I stood up and walked around next her, without a moments hesitation, her arms were around my torso, her beautiful face leaking perfect tears on to my shirt. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight.
"Thank you" her voice broke in between her tears.
"No need to thank me, I'm always here for you." She looked up at me and I smiled.
"I want to tell you a few things." She said, calming her tears.
"I'm all ears." I smiled weakly and she returned it.
"You might want to sit down for this." She replied.

Nat led me into her lounge, I sat down on the couch and she joined me, turning towards me with her legs against her chest with her feet on the sofa.
"Where do I start!" She chuckled. I smiled.
"Wherever you want." I replied and she smiled back.
"I have severe mental health issues. I don't tell anyone but it's known to everyone some how. Clint guessed but I never told him it was true. I have severe Anxiety, depression and PTSD. All are equally as bad as each other and all make an appearance in everyday life. Do you remember when I first saw you and I ran away?" She asked, she seemed really calm.
"Yeah, you scared the hell outta me!" I chuckled and she smiled.
"I ran because I felt something towards you and as soon as I saw you, I was frozen. A mix of everything came at me at once and I had one of the worst panic attacks I have ever had. I ran home and hid, I didn't eat, didn't sleep, I cried, I did things I shouldn't have which has left scars both in and out. I thought I should just end it because my life isn't worth it. Clint found me with a knife and immediately reacted. So then I came back and I was threatened with Therapy." I was in a worse state than she was! Oh my god! I never ever want her to experience that or do that ever again. She is loved!!!! "The reason I have what I have is because of my past. I grew up in Russia, my parents died in a house fire when I was two, I escaped and lived on the streets on my own. I was then taken by a anti-governmental group known as the KGB in America. They put me in one of their allies boarding schools, called the Red Room Academy. I was their for 15 years. What they do is horrific. They take in females orphans and turn them into monsters, their own personal killing machines. If you refuse, you get beaten and abused, mentally, physically, and sexually, by all different men. I was Ivan's star student. I went out on missions, fought other innocent girls to the death, took down a few American agents, worked with Hydra. I did everything against America and that's something that know one knows. In the file is only about my abusive past, not who I worked for. I managed to escape when I was 17, I ran and ran and Clint found me, I was transported to America and recruited by SHIELD. No one ever found the Red Room and I never had the guts to tell anyone who I worked for until now." She took a deep breath and put her head on her knees. "So, that's my life story, you can leave at your own will. Don't feel like you have to stay." She sounded muffled by her knees.

"Nat, I'm not leaving. When I said I want to be with you, I never said just the good bits, I want the whole package. I want to sit up with you at night and help you feel better, I want to help you get through the day, I want to help you with any issue that I can because I love you, all of you." She looked up, her eyes brighter than her beautiful red hair, they stared directly into mine, searching for some doubt, by the tears that were forming beneath her eyes, I'm guessing she didn't find any. Simply because I have no doubt.

She launched herself from her position and jumped in my arms, her arms wrapped tightly around my neck with her head soaking my neck with tears.
"I love you too." She sobbed.

End of My past