Breathless ~A Romanogers FanFiction

Chapter 51- Shutting the door

*Steve's point of view*

I just stood there, staring into that dark corridor. She shut the door. She had the option to come to me. She passed. Why did she shut the door on me? Does that shut the door on us? Our relationship? Our friendship?! The family?!!

"Steve, come on, we caught the Blonde agent... why's re you staring off into the darkness?" Bucky started but then noticed my gobsmacked face.
"I know the other agent." I whispered, out of breath.
"Wait, you do?!" He asked, confused to what I meant. I turned to face him.
"Buck, we all do. And she shut the door." I answered, a bunch of mixed feelings entered my brain. Anger. Regret. Pain. Sorrow. Suffering.
"We do?" He asked, half realising who it could be.
"It's her." My bottom lip trembled. "It's Nat." I haven't said her name in so long. I held back the tears but I felt like letting go. Bucky stepped back in horror.
"Are you sure?!" He asked, losing his breath.
"She looked directly at me. She just mouthed she was sorry and left." I answered. "It's definitely her. I know those eyes." I added.
Bucky put his arm around my shoulder.
"I'm sorry, pal." He answered.
"It's fine. I guess we didn't feel the same way." I spoke. I felt like crying. Throwing my fists at walls. But I kept it in.

"Guys, we have a problem." Bucky said as we both walked out to find the rest of the team waiting for us.
"Why? What's up?" Sam asked.
"We know who the other agent is. We all do." I added in.
"Wait, we do?" Everyone but me and Bucky said in Unison.
"Yep. Steve, you take this." Bucky answered, all eyes fell on me.
"It's Natasha." I admitted. Clint fell down onto his knees in horror. Tony and Sam just stared.
"Steve, are you sure?!" Tony quivered.
"Yes. I know it was her. If it wasn't, why did she mouth I'm sorry to me when she left me?" I answered, holding back my tears the best I can. This waterfall is going to flow at some point, I need to let it go.

I walked straight passed the boys and the woman we had captured, sitting in a seat on my own. I curled into a ball, my knees against my chest. She makes me weak, but this is a new level of vulnerability. I'm confused. She left me, she shut the door on our relationship and ran away from me. The waterfall flowed down my soaked face, leaving stains that can't be covered. They burnt as they fell. This could be it. The end of our Relationship.

I sobbed for what felt like hours, but I just couldn't stop myself. The prisoner was silent at the back of the jet. All the guys stayed as far away from me as possible. I'm clearly a ticking time bomb. We landed, I waited for everyone to leave before I got off. I just went straight home, my mind foggy of all rational thoughts.

After unlocking my apartment door, I fell into the corridor and locked the door back up. Every curtain was shut, I just needed to shut away society. All windows were closed and food was the last thing on my mind. I walked in to my bedroom and collapsed on the bed, soaking the sheets with my tears while I let my mind wonder free.

That's it. That's officially it. The end of our relationship. She's had two years to think about us, she must've realised that she is worth more than me, which I agree but it still stung. She is perfect, how could I be worthy of her? I just don't know how to cope. How do I let her go? How can I let go of the best thing I have ever had? I have to let her go.

I can guarantee that she'll be coming to get her partner. As we took her, we'll be the one's her and her organisation will want to kill. The rest of the team don't deserve that, but I do. They'll especially want me. If she can end my life, at least the pain of knowing she doesn't love me anymore will be over. As soon as I am no more, she can live without a burden. She can come home and spend time with her family, the team. I'm not part of that. Her partner can take my place. I don't deserve a place in the world.

If Nat is the one to end my life, I will die a grateful man. At least then I have the chance to ask her the burning question that is tearing me apart: Why? I just want to know what happened to us. Why did she walk out on me? I only want to love her. I want to make her the happiest woman on Earth because she is already the most extraordinary person in the world. She deserves the best! My love isn't enough. My heart isn't enough. My soul isn't enough. I am certainly not enough. I'm sorry I troubled her. Those months were the best months in my life, but I am not the best. She doesn't deserve me. She deserves a strong, caring man who can make her the happiest person on Earth.

I will never stop loving Nat, that's never going to change. Even if she doesn't want it, my heart and my love will always be devoted to her. She can hurt me, she can kill me, and id still admire her as the Goddess she is.

I cried myself into a deep sleep. I have no plans of waking up.

End of shutting the door