Breathless ~A Romanogers FanFiction

Chapter 57- The calm before the Storm

*Steve's point of view*

My eyes were wide awake, unable to close for even a second. I couldn't quite work out why I was so awake, I've had 3 hours sleep in 48 hours! It could be the obscene number of emotions that are racing around my head. I'm excited yet nervous, confident yet insecure, scared yet ready. I've been preparing for two years for this mission, not that I knew this mission would ever happen but still. I didn't even realise this many emotions existed or was even possible to have all at once!

Of course I want Nat back, but what if she doesn't want me? She did turn away from me, and Yelena can't guarantee she meant everything she said about me, it could all be a lie. What if I've changed so much in the past two years that she just doesn't want to be with me anymore? I don't know if I've changed, I've got angrier and my attention span shortened but if I had Nat back, I'm sure I'll be back as well, right? I love her to pieces and I'd do anything to see her smile, let alone kiss her or give her the worlds most secure hug! She deserves the best, even though I know that's not me, I will do anything in my power to make sure she is happy and healthy.

My eyes glanced at the clock, 7.30am. I have about an hour and a half to kill before I have to get ready. So there is only one place where I can clear my mind. The gym. After turning off the computer and picking up my Shield, I headed down to the gym, passing the corner where Nat... she hurt herself. I still remember that clear as day, no matter how much I wish to forget it. All the people surrounding her, the paramedics, the life draining from her body- it's just too painful. I shook my head and continued walking down the corridor and opening the gym doors to see the place where she first told me she liked me. An intense moment, shocking mostly.

I was shunted out my daze when I heard grunting coming from the boxing bags. When I clock the blonde hair, I went and sat on the bench. Yelena was just like Nat in her fighting style, except Nat occasionally flicks her hair back without realising (really adorable by the way). She must've realised I was there because she suddenly caught my attention, knocking me out of my daydream, she stopped punching and steadied the bag from moving.
"Your scared, aren't you?" Yelena startled me, she didn't even turn around.
"How did you know?" I queried. She turned around and strutted over to sit next to me.
"I'm a trained spy, I can tell. Why are you scared?" Yelena asked. I just stared at my hands.
"I know you've told me she talks about me a lot but I can't help but think that she doesn't love me anymore. I miss her so much and I don't know what I'd do if she said she didn't love me anymore, probably run half way across the world." I admitted, slightly chuckling at the last bit. So did she.
"I know your the Captain America guy but I'm sure even you would run out of breath! Just stay calm and avoid worst case scenarios. She loves you but you need to have faith." Yelena smiled, before grabbing a bag and walking out of the gym.

After an hour long session of beating the crap out of bags, I got a spare suit from the uniform room and out it on. I looked at myself in the dark blue stealth suit in the mirror. This suit is Nat's favourite. I smiled, mainly because otherwise I'll cry. I huffed.
"I'm coming to get you, babe, I love you. Let's get you home."

*Natasha's point of view*

For some reason, I couldn't sleep, no matter how hard I tried. I spent the night staring at the dusky orange walls, hoping that I'd get told I can go somewhere. Every time I committed to sleeping, laying down in the bed and closing my eyes, I felt some form of force, not sure what it was but I sat up immediately and put my head in my hands. I just need a break, hopefully then I might sleep.

The atmosphere is tense and I'm not sure why. I know we're preparing to attack Avengers Tower but I'm sure if Yelena has spoken to the team, they'll attack us, but the Red Room don't know that so I can't let them know.

I decided to search for something, anything. But nothing was found other than a clock. It's 9.45am. Nice to know. I've been in this room for 15 hours without any contact with anyone. The only thing I have found to do is overthinking while staring at the clock.

What if, when we attack them or they attack us, I am asked to kill the people I love!? That's not keeping them safe, though. I can't hurt any of them with the intention of hurting them. I used to be able to do that up until I went on my first mission to kill an innocent person. I did the deed and then the guilt weighed over me like a ton of bricks. The guilt just piled up, more and more. Every shot from my gun, added another ton of guilt on to my conscience and it's never gone away, I just learnt how to carry it and hide it, and mainly how to hide I suffer from it.

9.55am.

I wonder what Steve is doing? Has he even spoken to Yelena? I wonder if Yelena has recognised its him and attempted to talk to him, would he listen? What about Clint? How's the kids? How's Laura? I miss them all. What about Tony and Pepper? Bucky and Sam? Banner and Rhodes? Wanda and Maria? I just need them all with me.

10am

I can't get myself away from this suffering. If I run, they die. If I die, they die. If I fail, they die. If I end my life, they will die. I've got to do the right thing for them. For him. God, I miss him. I love him. I'm doing this for him. At least I know he's alive? For now. If the Red Room win this coming battle, the Avengers will be.... be... de- no more. I don't want to live in a world where they aren't. They can't keep me here if they lose because I will do anything to be with them, even if they are in their graves.

10.10am

My mind wondered off, and my attention was soon directed to the outside of my door.
"She must've sent them! Bitch! I'll deal with her. Hold fire on you know who and make sure none of them die, but protect the base." The master exclaimed, giving orders. Who is you know who? The door swung open and stood the master, in his usual suit but with an angered expression on his devilish face. I sat on the bed, frozen. He stomped in and slammed the door behind him and folded his arms.

End of The calm before the Storm