Señorita

~The Truthful Thoughts~ (Shawn)

Shawn's P.O.V.

That kiss Karla and I shared was something I would deeply treasure so deep I my heart, it was something that I wouldn't be able to forget as I expressed how much I feel for her in that kiss. I poured everything in me, wanting to make her feel loved and how precious she is to me, that she's mine and mine alone. It was one thing that was keeping me going...

I love her.

All of you might probably thing how of a hypocrite I am because the man who kept telling himself that love isn't in this kind of life, here I am completely head over heels for this woman so close to me. I had just to say those things to lie to her, to let her know that I can't love and she can't fall for me even if she tries seducing me.

I know everything about her. I know who she is, what she came here for, why she choose to barge in Black Rose and why she was that skilled in fighting. John told everything to me, I made him, ordered him to bring Camila here safe and sound, everyone knew who she is. Even the men I have in the mansion knows that she's here to kill me, it was that one reason why they suddenly attack her the moment she came because they all wanted to protect me. But the minute I told them that she's someone special, the minute they tried to get to know her it was just then that they realized how good she actually is.

She might be here to kill me but I know that he would never do such thing...

"Why did you leave her?" Taylor's deep voice echoed around the whole forest where we usually hang out when I was still a kid. There was a stream of water from a lake here near the mansion, my usual place is here at the big rock where I was sitting on beside the lake.

"Is she gone?" My voice was shaky, feeling overly scared of the way I saw how there was fear and confusion appeared in her eyes the minute I told her who I really was.

"She was looking for you all the time, she didn't even enter the car hoping to see you and she was worried how on earth will you be able to go home without Connor driving you"

"I kept seeing my mother and Aaliyah in her. I kept seeing her fear, I keep seeing her troubles and confusion reflecting in her eyes the minute I revealed who I really am to her. She's being formed apart, close to almost her breaking finally knowing that the boy she's been looking for and wanting to meet for her life was actually the man standing before her very eye" The man who he was going to kill...

"I never wanted this life"

I loathed living this kind of life as I had to always been kept hidden in the dark, I had to always be with people who needed to protect me, I need to always have a gun with me and to shoot someone in order to just protect myself because I was the son of a mafia. I had to grow up seeing people being killed in my very eyes, as a child that was what I've been looking at. I had to do this, do that, listen to him and protect myself from everything... I was done with that...

"No one did Shawn, but you're actually quite lucky that your heart isn't as gained and dark as your father. You can still save yourself no matter what happens, we're still here, Nick and Matt to support you in whatever you wanted to do" Taylor's hand patted me on my shoulder, somehow it seemed so heavy at this moment because of his words. He was pertaining to the plan that I have in my mind, the plan I formulated when I was only all by myself, when I was all alone.

"I can't risk losing one of you as well. You are my family, my parents, my uncles who became my dad, my only father who took care of me and loved me just like any boy would. I can't do something just so I can have my freedom but that cost is losing you all guys"

"Sometimes in life you really have to choose which matters the most. Your present or your future. Think about this as the most hardest question in your life, choose wisely as you only have one chance and the moment you missed that best choice then you wouldn't be able to get it undone"