Señorita

~The Place Where One Belongs~

Camila’s P.O.V.

The warm sunlight slipped themselves in the blinds that were covering my room, it was warm against my skin yet it also feels cold. Usually the sunrise would be the most thing I would really look forward seeing the first thing in the morning, the beauty of it was just really one thing I really am happy to see the minute I open my eyes. It was a masterpiece, a symbol that means hope and a new day to start living your life and making the most out of it.

Yet at this point I don’t think I would be able to make the most at anything… I felt like I wasn’t me anymore, every day I can feel my body slowly shutting down no longer having the energy I needed to go through the day. I was weak, I couldn’t even walk to the bathroom all by myself. I had to always be with someone in the morning to help me get ready, like a baby I needed to be dressed up, be fed because I couldn’t do anything on my own now.

My voice had also disappeared along with my energy. I wasn’t able to say anything to them, I wasn’t able to say any other thing to my father and the people who expected me to come back safe and sound. I wanted to tell everyone that I am fine, that they shouldn’t worry that much because I’m still alive and well… probably not that much healthy but I am fine…

I’m still alive…

"Good morning señorita, it's time for you to eat" Tia Hilda entered my room with a very friendly smile, the one she usually shows me even in the past. She was carrying a tray which contains my favorite food, banana pancakes which I really would’ve wanted to swallow at this point if only I wasn’t reaction quite off about it.

Dizziness instantly hit me, I slowly lowered my head and rested it on my knees which was pressed against my chest. Soft groans came out from me as I closed my mouth to muffle them, my head was really throbbing, a different kind of headache which I still couldn’t understand why. I formed my hand into a fist, trying my hardest not to let Aunt Hilda notice my pain since I know she’s going to tell everything to Dr. Torrey.

It’s been a week since I started having this pain, it was never ending and I had to always calm myself about what I could feel. I didn’t want to tell anyone about this since I thought it was just a flu, partly I think this is also my fault for not eating that much these past few weeks but I really just don’t have the appetite to eat anything at all. Dr. Torrey tried prescribing me with medicines, wanting to bring me back to the past Camila since everyone was devastated on how I am right now but I just really can’t…

I tried pulling myself together, I really did… But every time I did I would only fall on my knees and end up crying again. I think I actually am already crazy, I’d always try gathering myself, wanting to fight back with everything, with the pain but I would always be reminded of the happiness I felt when I was in his arms. Every day I wake up trying to forget about him, wanting to exterminate him from my mind, remove him from all the memories I have…

But I was too weak to do anything at all…

I keep remembering him the minute I woke up. I keep remembering him whenever I try to look at the sun, whenever I take a bath, whenever I try going anywhere just to forget him. I tried doing everything in order to get him out of my head but I only keep remembering him in every second of the day. I can still feel his touches roaming around my body, the feeling of his breath tickling me on my neck, his gaze looking at me even if I have my eyes closed. I still can feel him around me, as if he never went away nor I never left Black Rose…

True to his words, I was always haunted by his touch, by his kisses, by his warmth. I was always haunted by him even in my sleep. It was always him running inside my mind but it never was a nightmare…I’d often dream of him. There was once when I was lying on bed and then I just saw him, he’d look at me and then press a kiss on my forehead. Other times he’d be talking to me, telling me how beautiful I am, how happy he is to have me by his side, how important I am to him… How I wish he really would say those things to me in real life and not just in my dreams…