Started With A Dare

fifty one

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

I'm feeling it now, something I've never felt. It feels like my heart's gonna melt, and it's all because of you, Chou Tzuyu.

it's now or never.

JK: Tzuyu...

TY: hmm??

Her eyes were shining, her dimple was showing, she was smiling so widely. I couldn't help but smile and look down, am I really doing this? She's so cute right now...

JK: I think... I like you...

TY: What?

JK: I like you Tzuyu, I've caught feelings for you...

She was quiet. I can't read her face, she didn't look sad or dissapointed, but she isn't happy either.

TY: is this a confession?

I tried hard not to laugh, is she really asking me this right now? I suddenly feel my whole body tense, I'm getting nervous, I start fidgeting with my nose... it's gonna be a no isn't it? Pleaseee no!! I don't want to lose you

JK: y-yeah...

She looks at me with a wide playful smile, but her eyes look dull and tired.

TY: I like you...I mean...I like you too

Is this real?? Am I really hearing this?! Did Tzuyu just accept my confession? I take a deep breath out, I was holding in so much air. I wouldn't know what to do if she said no...

YES! YESSS! THAT WAS REALLY A YES RIGHT?! SHE LIKES ME TOO! YES!

wait...but why is she looking so tired and plain? Is she not happy with me? Is this a joke? She's gonna say I like you as a friend right? Isn't she? C'mon, please no...not right now...

The widest smile I've had in my whole entire life just fades away.

JK: so...you like me back? uhm..do you want to be my girlfriend..?

TY: Of course I do! I really like you! Much more than you probably do...

And it was quiet. Everything was quiet. We were both quiet. It wasn't an awkward kind of quiet, but it wasn't the comforting kind of quiet.

JK: a..are you sad? why?

TY: no, I'm not. I'm happy, I'm just-

She stares at her empty glass where her vanilla sundae once was before she finished it all. Her eyes started to squint and what I think is tears, is starting to form. But she was smiling...am I not good enough? Why is she crying....what?

JK: Tzuyu...?

TY: I'm sorry, I broke down a little. There's a lot going on right now and I'm just-

More years fell from her eyes as she clenches her hand into a fist and you could see her fingers digging deeper and deeper into her palm. She looked like she was in so much pain.

So I held her hand.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Tzuyu's POV

I was told that at this age, i should be finding love already. I've always prepared myself for not being in love at all, i mean who could love this? How did i get here? it's all so quick, i'm getting sick. i was used to being a joke. could you love this? did you plan to fall? well if i'm being honest, it's not bad at all.

You held my hand as tearstrings ran down my cheeks continuously. I'm feeling so much right now, too much. I feel happy, I feel loved. I'm in love, but there's still this whisper in my heart that I keep locked up every night. Things I feel guilty about, what i regret, all my sins, all my flaws, you'll never accept me if you saw this side. So if i want to start a relationship with you, i want it to be clean and pure. No secrets, no more deep down regrets. I want you to know what i've been hiding, please understand me.

TY: I'm sorry... I'm just- I'm really sorry...

JK: will you stop apologizing? you have absolutely no fault, why are you apologizing?

I look at him with my water filled eyes, he's right. Why am i saying sorry? What's all the sorry for? Am i sorry for breaking down? no. Am i sorry for liking him back? no. Maybe... maybe i wasn't saying sorry to him-  maybe i was apologizing to myself.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

We left the cafe after Jungkook let me finished part of his coffee. It was quiet, i found it comfortable. I want a guy who can make silence not awkward, i want Jungkook. But if I told him all the things I've done, will he run away from me? Jungkook took me to his old house he used to live in. It was a simple bungalow house with three bedrooms. It wasn't run down and overgrown by vines and weed, no, it was tidy. Everything was clear. It was clean.

TY: How do you keep it clean when you're at your dorm all the time..?

JK: I hire someone to clean it for me every month, it's became my secret hideout recently. When i'm feeling stressed or anxious, i just stay here. Maybe spend the night...

You could tell he was really passionate about this house. It was as if it were his freedom, it's definitely his sanctuary. He looked so at ease, suddenly guilt started to wrap around my neck. It felt as if the whole world was angry at me, and i didn't know what to do.

TY: Jungkook... i have some things to tell you...

JK: i'm always listening...

the thing he said hit me hard. no one ever listens to me, it feels like these words are genuine this time. I'm sure this time will work, just give me a chance to open up, i might not lie awake till 3AM later. All of a sudden, words pour out of my mouth and Jungkook just sat there listening to me and looking into my eyes, deep into my soul. I feel like...he can feel my hurt.

I tell him everything, about Chan Wo specifically. What he's done to me, what i've done to myself because of it, what i've become because of it. I didn't notice it but at some point, he kept peeking at my wrist and looking so disturbed and hurt at the same time. Like he was the one who had cut himself in the wrist. He really is genuinely feeling my bitterness and my emptiness, he's really listening to me, my story. And unbelievably, i'm opening up about it, me!

thank you sunbae, thank you for lsitening