He Isn't the Nerd for Me! / Jinkook ✔

Inside the four-walls

Never in my entire life, I've felt nervous as much as I feel right now. I wasn't like this even when Jin came to my house. I can't stop pacing back and forth as I'm waiting for him to pick me up.

Jin has finally given me his number to call me when he's in front of our door. He said I can stay for a night over in their house as he doesn't go to the supermarket.

It was hard for me to accept being there for the whole night, but my mom conviced me at the end as she thought it was the greatest opportunity that could ever come to my way.

Jin comes exactly at 6pm and with a dry greeting, we both start walking side by side. I really want to ressure him as I can see he's struggling inside about whether he's doing the right thing in taking me to his home or not, but at the end, I believe nothing can change stuffs now.

He's made the decision, and I know something is wrong inside his four-walls. Therefore, there's no choice left if he wants our little friendship to be like old times.

We walk for more than what I expect and that also explains why he came to pick me up so soon.

The more distance we get from my house, the more the houses get smaller and older. It reaches to a point that I realize I've never seen these places before as we've never even passed next to them by our car.

Jin leads me to a small street and finally, we stop in front of an old blue door of an even older house. He doesn't utter a single word and just opens the door with his key for me. He enters the house first, and I follow behind him hesitantly.

The overly old hallway gives me a gloomy feeling, but when I step into the living room, my whole world crashes down...

There on the small carpet of the room, Jin's parents are lying in their places for sleep I guess.

When they hear our sounds, the two try their best to sit, most probably because of me. Jin goes to their sides,and with his help, they get to half sit, a little better at last.

"Dad, mom, this is my friend I talked about. His name is Jungkook." Jin introduces me to his parents while I'm still frozen and rooted to my spot. I watch how a faint, yet beautiful smile brings life to the almost dead bodies in front of me.

"Welcome to our small place, my son." His mom speaks first, and I bow at her in total respect.

"Jin talks about you all the time, my dear son. Now we finally get to see you in person. I hope you'll have a great time in here with him. Jin, you should make sure he's all provided for tonight." Jin nods his head while adjusting his father's shirt for him a little.

"Thank you so much, Mr. Kim. It's my pleasure to be Jin's friend. He's the greatest friend one can ever wish for." I respond in a calm tone, and I'm again proud of myself how I'm not crying my heart out.

Jin takes my hand and we go the attic of the house. It's desinged as a room with an ancient single bed and a closet. I guess right on the spot that it's Jin's room as his school books can be seen gathered neatly in a corner of the room.

"Stay here a bit; I'll be back." He mumbles and leaves me in the room all alone. I sit on his bed, and that's when I think about his words in school. He was right. My questions almost are all answered when I eventually got to see his place now.

Before I came here, I felt nervous, but now that I'm here, I sense nothing. I don't feel light or even heavy; Iym just empty of any emotion.

He comes back with a small tray in one hand, some snacks scattered on it. I wonder how much those have cost for him. He sits on the ground across me and puts the tray on there, too.

"I-I brought these from the supermarket. I tried to remember your picks the time you came there to buy snacks for your friend's night over." He lets out and stares at the snacks without saying anything further.

"Jin, I-I... I don't know what to say!" He lifts his head and smiles at me gloomily.

"You don't have to say anything, Jungkook. I... I just hope I'm not a mystery anymore!" He chuckles bitterly, and I feel like I can't breathe air to my lungs. Rightfully, I loathe myself for what I caused to him.

"My parents weren't disable their whole life. They are like this for three years now. It happened in a car accident. The accident left them paralyzed permanently. Their lower parts have lost sense of touch almost completely.

My mom is by a tiny bit better than my dad. Still, she needs help." Jin begins clearing things for me, and I want to tell him to stop because I can't take it; even though, I know it's the beginning and above all, I asked for it.

"My whole life changed after that day. I was grateful more than anything that they get to be with me more, but that would also mean enduring all the things I have to take now.

I've never let a word of complaint about any of it, but it was still hard for a fifteen-year-old boy to handle all of those all by himself.

Hyung wanted to come back from Ilsan for us, but he had his own new family. He wasn't married for long, and his situation was just a little better than ours. We couldn't let him come back to this. He just sends us some amount of money per month.

However, it wasn't enough. We weren't a rich family at the beginning, but when my parents couldn't work anymore, we had to go through so many shits. I had to be eighteen when I was fifteen, sixteen, and seventeen! And at last, every place I'd work in... they would find out I was underage and they would throw me out.

Thank god I'm stable now in the supermarket." He groans playfully to lighten the heaviest mood I've ever experienced in my entire life, but that just makes me more mournful than what I already am.

"So, you manage everything all by yourself, Jin." I whisper after the long silence that almost had me killed.

"I'm daddy, I'm mommy, and I'm also the baby. I cook our food at nights and I reheat them in the mornings for my parents' lunch as I'm in school in that time.

I leave their dinner for them soon, and then I go to the supermarket till midnight. I study after midnight and I usually get a five hour sleep after I'm finished."

He finishes his schedule while handing me a jelly package. I take it from him, but not a single one of those jellies reaches my mouth for that night. I've totally lost the little apetite I had.

We stay in silence again, and all I can think about to avoid his now saddening eyes is to read the jelly package's information, over, and over, and over again, nonstop.

"You see, there's a reason as to why I'm a nerd, Jungkook! I hate myself so much when I have to do all the things I do with all of you in school, but while most of you may never care about your future jobs, I need one painfully.

It'll save my family. I can't pay for my college. I need school's help and I can only achieve the scholarship with my hard studies. So, t-that's why... I-I'm sorry."

Finally, he breaks down and I don't how, but in a second I find myself on the ground next to him, wrapping my arms around his petite waist.

He encircles his hands around my neck like his life depends on it. His nonstop tears soak my shirt, but that's not the thing that eats me; it's the fact that for how long he might have kept those tears inside without having anyone to share with.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

There's a chapter Jungkook compares Jin with Fantine. Most of you must've thought why. Why when I could choose any other character among all the books I've read.

I'm sure you know the reason now. Fantine lost her all for Cosette. In this story, Jin, and in real life so many students and young people are losing it for their dear ones.

What I really want from you in this story isn't to help them financianlly when you probably can't, but it's to stop judging people when we don't know what's going on or what is the purpose behind what they do. Even if we know, let's just stop judging.

All I have to say for this chapter is that I cried...