He Isn't the Nerd for Me! / Jinkook ✔

Promise

After all the shocking news, I feel guilty and heavy inside; I feel exhausted. Eventually, Jin and I went to his single bed.

I was scared at first to be in that small, cramped space with him, but he almost went on his knees and there we are together now, face to face, looking into each other's orbs, or better worded soul.

I don't know about him, but for me, I'm imagining all the things those pair of doe glossy eyes had to witness in times they shouldn't have.

It's probably the first long occasion that I'm not thinking about him in any sexual way. I can't even bring myself to think about anything rather than all that happened tonight. My emotions are at their highest level, all over the place, preventing me from even giving normal reactions; my muscles are numb, just like my reason.

"You didn't eat anything." Jin's little whisper gets me out of my gloomy thoughts. Intently, he is staring at me, wearing a worried expression.

"I'm fine. Honestly, I don't have any apetite now." I whisper back. He closes his eyes tightly and hides his face into my chest.

"I'm sorry. It's all my fault. I shouldn't have brought you here and make you feel bad in the first place."

"You should've brought me here sooner!" I utter in a voice a little above whisper immediately after he finishes.

He lifts his head from my chest to give me a look I've never been exposed to before. I don't even know what it means, but it's beautiful as his eyes glow in the darkness of the room.

"I'm your friend now, Jin. You can trust me. And I assure you all of these are buried deep in my heart. It's our secret."

He smiles when I continue to explain myself, even though it may not make any sense to him. One thing I'm certain about, though, is that I'm sincere, and I'm a friend.

"Don't make me feel more guiltier than what I am!" Jin whines cutely and wipes the little tears that falls on his cheeks quickly.

"Guilty about the life you've had no choice but to live in?!" I ask him and while I'm waiting for a sad reaction from him, he grins and shakes his head.

"I didn't mean that." He lets out calmly and watches my squinted eyes, all just out of confusion.

"Then, what did you mean?" I believe he didn't expect me to ask this for his little grin fades away, and a frown replaces it.

"It's better to be in my heart forever." He mumbles under his breath with a distressed smile. Then, he gets up from the bed and sits on the edge, turning his back to me.

"You kept enough in your heart. I'm your friend, remember?! You can tell me." I put my hand on his shoulder, and this is the first time during our friendship he flinches with my touch.

"You're not gonna hate me, Jungkook?"

His question makes me furrow my brows deeply. Hate him? That's the only thing I find impossible when it comes to myself in this whole vast universe.

"There will be no way in the world, heaven, and even hell I could hate you!" I let myself be honest again because the results of honesty were always a lot better for me at the end.

"I know I shouldn't have let this happen, but it was really out of my control, Jungkook. I couldn't help it." He stops for quite a while. I wait for him, even though I'm burning with curiosity. I can see he needs time to gather his courage for something probably important.

"I-I like you more than a friend... I always have, the moment I set my foot in our classroom for the first time till this day." He turns his body around to see my reaction, and it's absolutely priceless to watch my widened eyes.

"Y-You like me, Jin?!" I rise from the bed at the speed of light, and my nose touches his a bit accidentally. He nods and looks away shyly.

Dear Lord! Somebody pinches me please! This isn't real. This is just another old- NO!! A new version of my desperate fantasies!

"Is this a dream, Jin?!" I let out the words without any power over my tongue. He turns his head back to give me a gape without even trying to conceal anything.

"God damn it, Jin! You tell me all this while I was dying inside to just get a glimpse of your smile, to hear your voice every time you talked to the teachers, you felt the same way about me? I'm not alone in this, right?!" I blurt everything out in one go for the courage I have now probably won't resurface in me ever again.

"I maybe like you more." Jin utters in a calm voice and I can't help but put him in a big, tight hug. He wraps his arms around my waist and snuggles into me, giving my nostrils a good taste of his hair.

When he was crying in my arms earlier, I was so concerned about his situation that I couldn't think about stealing his beautiful lavender smell, but now it's different; it's all mine freely.

"I didn't have the gut to tell you how my heart was beating painfully against my chest every time you gave a look to my direction, Jin, but... Why you never told me about your feelings?" I mumble in a breathy tone and feel how he becomes tense in my arms.

"Isn't it crystal clear to you, Jungkook?!" He mutters and breaks the hug.

"No. Enlighten me, please." I answer him and grab his hand when he tries to get up from the bed.

"I never told you because of this stupid life I have both in home and school. How could I ask you something like that when all I can bring into your life is misery?" Jin pulls his hand lightly to release my hold, and I reluctantly let him go.

"This is not true. Yes, maybe if you enter my life I have to tackle with Taehyung and Namjoon everyday in school. I maybe have to deal with the problems you have right now at home, but if they all mean I get to be with you at the end, I'll take them all gladly. In fact, I want us to share all we have together."

"You talk like it's so easy." He whispers and chuckles bitterly after that.

"It's easy. It's easy if you believe it just like I do." I take his hands in mine once more. His eyes get teary again, but this time a gorgeous smile on his lips tells me that maybe, they're not entirely gloomy tears.

"Can you promise me one thing?" Jin asks me after watching every detail in my face carefully for a decent amount of time.

"Yes." I let out without even thinking once, let alone twice.

"Promise me you'll wait for me." He breathes out and I gaze at him stupefied.

"What?!"

"Now is not the time for the us you said, Jungkook. It's not for me, at least. Promise me you will wait for the moment I'll be in your arms with a heavier body and a lighter mind!"

"Jin, I..."

"I know it sounds selfish, but it'll be more selfish to put you into this because for the time being, I can't focus on my love for you. I need to make sure I'm ready for giving my mind and my body to you, all to you, Jungkook." He speaks in a calm, convincing tone.

I stay silent for a while. I can't say anything for I know he's right, but at the same time, I don't want him to be; I don't want to wait anymore. I'm in an internal battle with myself; my everlasting feelings for him and the fact that I'm told to wait, to not touch and hold what could be mine fight restlessly. Great enough at the end, my love for him wins!

"I will wait for you if I have to stay forever!"

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A small crush needs to grow up!
And this is the story of love puberty...
"Alpha" is gonna be updated too, a little later, though.