He Isn't the Nerd for Me! / Jinkook ✔

Opportunity or misery?

Forgot to add! A little bit of mature content here...

"Jk, I need to have a talk with you." Mr. Park's voice stops me from my intense practice. This talk somehow manages to give a nasty feeling to my gut. Something like this, I mean Mr. Park stopping someone in the middle of practice has never happened for anyone as far as I'm concerned.

"Yes, sir." I let out with a breathy tone and bend down for my towel on the ground to wipe my sweat. I just throw my towel back at top of my bag after that and practically run towards the coach.

"Sir, I'm here." My voice comes out with hesitation because this is exactly how I feel at the moment.

"Boy, let's leave to somewhere more private... like my office." I don't have any choice but to nod. I follow the guy to his small room inside the large practice room where he likes to call office.

I leave the door open as he always keeps it like that to check on us when he has to work here for a short time.

"Please, close the door." Now this doesn't do any help to my pounding heart. He motions for me to sit after I close the door.

"I'm beginning to worry, sir. What's with all of these?" I can't be patient anymore and thankfully, we can all be frank towards Mr. Park like he is to us.

"There's nothing to worry about, kiddo. Actually, you must be happy now!" His cheerful tone again doesn't do much good to me.

"The first day when you just watched our practice, I was beyond stunned. I really mean it cause so little people actually give a damn about taekwando in this school, and the rest are far away from it.

But there you were," He halts to show me the entrance door from the window in his office with his index finger, "Watching us with those big round eyes of yours. You had nothing like a person made for this sport. However, your eyes gave out all I needed to know. They told me you were flexible- no! You were ready to change. So, I let you in."

He tells everything with passion collected from every corner of this world. I feel like he's narrating someone else's story and not mine, and honestly he answered one of my mind wracking question just now after all these months.

"You are way too good in the sport that I believe you have no opponent in here anymore. Even I can't beat you now, son. But, that doesn't mean you can't get any better, and a talent like you need to get better. So when the form came, the first name occurred to my mind was yours." He smiles at me, but I can't bring myself to respond the same way.

"What form, sir?" I'm sure the big round eyes he was talking about earlier are now even larger. My whole face must be shouting stupor to coach's face.

"Every year an application comes from Seoul Korea national sport university to here demanding for two students, a boy, and a girl, for different fields which contains taekwando as well.

I need to deliver the names before the end of this week. And now the reason I called you here was to tell you I want the chance for you. I talked with Soo-Yun and she accepted the offer. Now here we are with you!"

"Sir, if I accept the offer, then I..."

"No worry for dorms and stuffs. It's all on the school as you get the scholarship. Although if you wanna a great one, then this needs money on your own." I sink deep into my thoughts. I don't know if I can say I'm happy or not because that wasn't the type of scholarship I had in mind, not even close to it.

"Come on, boy! Why your face is that sour? You're gonna live in Seoul, a bigger world, full of success and the finest facilities. What can be better than this?" I'm about to say family and one particular person, but I leave it in me.

"Sir, can I discuss things with my family before giving you my final answer?" I ask Mr. Park in a low voice, hoping he'll do me this favor.

"Since it is you, ok, kiddo. But, you don't have much time. Today's tuesday. You have let's say less than three days."

************************************

I leave the school building without even waiting for Jimin as I just need to breathe alone for some time.

I didn't inform anyone about the Seoul university. They all figured out in an instant something was up with me, but again I was stubborn enough, too. Therefore, they got no response from me at the end.

With every step I take, I imagine people's reaction to the news. My dad will probably glow and kick me out of the house before I even sign my name on the paper. My mom is going to be worse I believe. She'll hold a big party among her family just to show how great of a man I've become.

About my friends, and obviously on top of them Jin will also encourage me, but I kind of think inside, he's going to be upset about it. I mean we're talking about university and god knows how many years it takes for me to come back to Busan.

I'm so engrossed in my thoughts that for a moment I'm about to pass my own house and go to the end of world!

When I unlock the door and face an empty house, I don't get surprised. I'm used to it by now. Mom is not here anymore like old times to greet me with her bright smile. I only get to see that smile on the weekends.

By habit, dad is coming back from office at eight which is two hours ahead from now on. I'm nervous to see him for I need to tell him about the university stuff. I can predict all of our conversation, but that doesn't lessen any of the load on my shoulders.

Maybe a shower can help. So with that thought, I run upstairs to my room and strip myself from my clothes. The moment I go under the shower, he comes to my mind once more.

I still commit my first sin in some mornings. It's clearly less, but it hasn't been stopped completely. He has this effect on me, and I believe it will never fade away.

I just grab my member to masturbate, thinking it can do me a help. Still, when I just stroke myself for a long time and feel nothing, I lean my head against the wall, and that's when the tears find their ways out of my eyes.

Knowing nobody is home, I cry and shout out with no boundary. It becomes too much that I just fall down on the floor, curling my body and rocking like a crazy person.

People might say you've got an opportunity, but why to me, it sounds more like a misery?

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Here we are! 😔