He Isn't the Nerd for Me! / Jinkook ✔

The filthy word that's called rape.

"So, mind to tell me what was the reason for your earlier actions!" Jin lets out with a smile, finally breaking the long, I mean long silence that has literally engulfed us.

After the party ended and we bid our goodbyes and thank yous, I let Jin drag me somewhere out of the city near their neighborhood.

There's this old park with nothing but an old bench opening to a green area that I didn't even know it was grass until Jin lit his phone flashlight.

It really is fucked up to the point that it doesn't have a single street light, but somehow thinking about the whole thing, it really matches my own condition. Therefore, I'm not the one who have the right to complain.

We've been sitting on the bench for like twenty minutes without saying anything. I was reviewing the speech I readied during the party for this time, but I'm dumb now again when he opens up about it.

"Jungkook. Jk! Kookie! Muscle pig! Whatever name you're gonna answer me with; please speak, Jungkook." Jin restates his words for me and I realize it's tonight or never!

He deserves to know the truth. That's why after taking a deep breath, I begin to tell the story with every little detail and finish it to this second in here now.

He just sits quiet, eyes closed and listening all along with an unreadable expression which makes it hard for me to say how he feels about me now that he knows.

After I end everything, I gaze at him. He opens his eyes, but instead of my face, he stares into the area without saying a solitary word or a sound like an "Oh" or even a short gasp.

"Please, say something, Jin. Just say how much you hate me. Throw something at my face. Anything to calm yourself!" I desperately want him to utter a word, a curse word to be more exact. I even bring my hand to touch his but immediately retreat in case he doesn't want it anymore.

"I'm not going to do that, Jungkook!" Jin lets out in a serious tone as he averts his gaze from the view to my face at last.

"I'm not really the one you should apologize to, you know." He utters calmly after and my eyes widen in state of shock for what he tells.

"It's true you did wrong me. Your wrong to me was when you assumed before seeking out the real story, but the one and only person who got hurt during all of these processes was just you. You yourself alone, Jungkook." He continues as he aims my soul with his dark brown orbs.

"It was all my fault, Jin. So, I deserve to be in pain." I mutter under my breath and lower my head.

"Assuming was your fault, but rape was never. That girl used you for her own pleasure, Jungkook, without your consent. She never had that right. A drunk person doesn't know where they are or even who they are, let alone making decisions.

God knows what would be your real decision if she didn't rape you. Maybe you would come back to your senses when the effect of that stupid picture and alcohol faded away more, and you could think a little with your mind."

My eyes start getting teary as he mentions that night, and I press my lips together to not cry out loud again after the incident at the party.

"You are traumatized and that shock affected all your following decisions. You did the real wrong to yourself to not get up and do something about it."

Jin finishes and at this point, all I can do is to wipe my tears harshly still with my head hung low. The whimpers that come out of my mouth would embarrass me if I wasn't so sad.

"You're mad. At least, this does some good to me!" I let out pathetically as I have nothing else to tell him.

"I'm mad at you not because of the reason you think I am for. I'm mad because you didn't approach anyone trust worthy, not even your amazing family to open up about a thing as important as this... rape."

In that moment, every single word that comes out of his mouth is stabbing my abused heart and mind more, but it also hits me with so much realization.

"Do you hate me, Jin?!"

His lips curve up into a faint smile when I ask him the question I'm sure I'll break if I hear the yes, yet I deserve the yes. He shakes his head and I nod repeatedly like a madman, gnawing on my bottom lip as tears flow down my eyes.

"But, that doesn't mean I'm gonna take things easy for you, Jk!" He crosses his arms over his chest, and his expression becomes dead serious at once.

"I want another pause to whatever relationship we promised each other before. There's no way I throw myself at you like that. I'm positive you understand why. During the pause I referred to my only job is waiting!" He explains and I squint my face a little, sure looking like a clown with my teary face added to the whole package.

"What is my job then?!" I ask him impatiently like a kid, making him grin widely.

"Good question! Your job is to fix yourself. You need to tell your parents about everything, and most importantly you need to see a therapist who can help you more than all of us in this matter. You are about to build a whole new mature guy, Jungkook. Body is matured. It's your mind's turn."

Once more in my life I'm reminded of the fact that how Kim Seokjin isn't just anyone. He doesn't think like people out there, not like me.

He's the person who sees all the dimensions in a situation. In total, what I want to say is that he's not real, and I'm definite I'm going to have to mention that for the rest of my life!

Another long silence comes with both of us staring at the dark view where a ray of white light comes into it from Jin's hand and into my vision. He's the moon of my time.

"How's your father, Jin? My mom told me you couldn't come to Seoul because of his sudden condition." This time, I'm the one who break the quietness as I remember my conversation with her.

"I was all ready and packed to come to Seoul. One of my neighbors was sweet enough to promise to look after my parents for a day and night, but suddenly... Oh gosh!

He scared me a lot. Out of nowhere, he went into the whole heartattack mode and I said to myself that's it. I assumed like you, but he's stronger than what I can ever imagine." Jin wipes his little tear that slides over his cheek as he chuckles lightly and takes a deep breath.

"You take after him then."

My whole world changes in that night, and it completes when he smiles heavenly at me.

"Thank you for being the light of my life when I... I-I even believed you will n-never give me a glance anymore." I break down again as I let the words in between my sobs.

I'm immediately wrapped into his warm embrace and one more time again like that punching pillow night, all I have is to soak his shirt. The two times in my life I felt there's no hope for me anymore, here I am always wrong.

As long as I make sure to keep him to myself and never hurt him once more, I have the entire hope in the world.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

I really hope people like Jin are still out there and I also wish you all to find one close to yourself and keep it forever.