He Isn't the Nerd for Me! / Jinkook ✔

Sometimes I hate my dreams, but I always love you.

"Don't worry. I get this one. I promise I get it. Just watch!"

Jin narrows his eyes and fists his hands in a strong hold that his knuckles turn white. He inhales and exhales just like how I instructed him, and then strikes. But again, it's feeble and not strong enough.

"I don't understand. Every time I make my fists firmer, they turn out to be weaker." Jin mutters and looks down at his crooked fingers in disbelief. I smile and walk towards him.

"It's because you forget about your feet. Your hands might be in their full power, but the punch won't be perfect as long as you keep your legs firm, too. Your whole posture must shout power, Jin." I utter in a peaceful tone. He watches me with those doe eyes and I badly want to squeeze his cheeks.

"Now try this time."

I step bacwards to give him enough space for his practice once more. He intakes a decent amount of air into his lungs, sticking his legs to the ground this time. He holds his breath for longer seconds and fists his hands. Then after, he lets it go, and it's exactly what I want.

"That's it, boy!" I clap for him, getting closer and he throws his body at mine in sheer excitement.

"I did it. Oh my god! I did it, Jungkook!" He exclaims cheerfully as he tries the move again.

"Jin, can we talk about something?" My voice sounds gloomy and totally out of the whole supposedly happy atmosphere that he frowns immediately.

"Yes, I guess." He straightens his body and watches me with a confused look.

"Yesterday something happened, something very important. Mr. Park called for me and he informed me about the deal."

I stop to regain my breath. Even though I didn't speak much, I feel like I presented a long speech for millions of audiences right now. The way he burns holes into my eyes doesn't help my unsteady condition, either.

"He told me I got the scholarship for taekwando."

"Wow, this is... It's amazing, Jk. I am so proud of you. You should be, too. Why is your face like this then, you silly?!"

His irises are glowing with pure joy for my situation and I really hate to fade that away, but I just have no fortunate choice.

"It's more complicated than what we both thought, Jin." I lower my head as I mumble in a barely audible voice.

"What do you mean? Light me up, Jungkook. I'm dying here!" He takes my chin to raise my head, making me look straight into his piercing eyes.

"In order to have the scholarship, I have to go to Seoul and attend Seoul Korea national sport university. I'm sure you heard about it, right?"

I want to slap myself for the stupid choice of words. It sounds like I'm made of a stone or something, emptied from any emotion. Maybe, this is all the result of crying my heart out and having the discussion with my dad afterwards yesterday.

"Yes, I did. It's absolutely the best place for you to continue your major in Korea." He answers my question in a really calm tone that is about to throw me off the edge more.

"Don't you understand, Jin? I'll have to go away for god knows how many years to aspire my dream. I'll have to be away from you." I almost scream at his face, but reminding myself of the lesson I gave to him earlier about inhaling and exhaling, I get a grip of my rage.

"Of course I understand, Jungkook. I'm not stupid." He spats back at me with a harsh tone that doesn't match his peaceful aura (When some people just leave him alone).

"Then, why are you pretending like it's a fabulous thing for me, ha?"

I hold his arms when he tries to practically run away from the conversation.

"B-because it really is a fabulous thing for you, Jungkook." He stutters in a shaky voice and that just gives out all the information I needed to know.

"CUT THE CRAP, JIN!" I yell at him but immediately regret my behavior when he closes his eyes tightly in fear.

"Oh fuck, Jin! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

I put him in my arms, and he finally loses the straw and cries into my chest.

"I-I was angry. I'm so fucking sorry. Im sorry, Jin." I just repeat the words desperately like my survival depends on them which it does. His silent crying is to make me commit suicide right on there, knowing I've made this angel, the beautiful love of my life in tears.

"I'm not sad due to y-your outburst, Jungkook." He finally brings his face out of my chest and stutters the words while wiping his nonstop waterfalls with the back of his hands.

"I'm sad because you're right. I'm just pretending to be happy for you. It makes me hate myself to think like this, Jungkook. I'm selfish for wanting you here with me."

"You hate yourself when I'm the one you should hate?!"

I furrow my brows as I gaze at him with the want to stop the tears from sliding down from his eyes, even though I can't do anything.

"Why would I hate you when you're standing here and telling me that you're doubtful as you don't wanna accomplish your dream because you're scared of leaving me, Jungkook?" He smiles sadly at me when instead of stopping his tears, my own start falling.

"T-there's no dream for me without you!" It awfully looks like I'm talking through a pillow because that's how much my voice is muffled.

"No, that's not true." He scowls and speaks in that harsh voice again.

"But it is, Jin. I..."

"Listen to me! You are not gonna lose me by choosing your dream. It's just a short delay for us. Maybe it's happened to tell us we both need to come back stronger for each other. We need to be in love when we're actually happy with what we're doing. Believe me, you can't exactly be a ball of joy when you come back with a backache from your office!" He tells the last sentence jokingly and I giggle with teary eyes.

"No, you just faint on the couch before you even get to bed, let alone making love to your lover!" I continue the joke and he chuckles a little before he cups my cheeks fondly.

"I promise I'll wait for you, no matter how long you have to stay there to become the man you want. And I also promise you I'll be the man I want to be before you come back to me."

At last, that's when we both close the distance at the same time to share our first real kiss. I just let myself melt in the close proximity and his beautiful lips. And this is the first time my mind isn't sinful. It's just in a painful love.

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Don't ask me why I'm in love with this chapter!