Epigraph and Quintessence (STATION Series #4)

Kabanata 10

Kabanata 10

Gig

My face harshly directed to the right after I received a slap from the hands of my perfectionist mother. The sting immediately crept in my cheek which temporarily dulled my senses. As much as I want to cry because of it, I didn't feel the urge to.

Is it because I'm used to it? No. Is it because of what happened earlier? Probably.

But I know that it's not any of the choices, it's this: the fear that I felt towards my mother is slowly subsiding. Why?

I could only sigh because I don't know it yet... but will I ever know about it?

"You are such a shame, Savannah!" My mother's words pierced my ears. "Kahihiyan na naman ang ginawa mo! Wala ka talagang ginagawang tama."

Fuming mad, her prying eyes continued to dart towards me.

"You are lucky that they are kind enough to treat this lightly. Sila pa mismo ang nagpalabas na hindi umattend ang anak kahit na ang katotohanan ay tumakbo ka!" Her chest heaved up and down. "Nagkamali ako na ikaw ang in-arrange ko. Maling-mali!"

Hindi naman na bago sa paningin ko ang galit na itsura ni Mommy dahil madalas ko 'yong natatanggap. At tuwing gano'n, alam kong takot na takot ako. Ngayong sobra-sobra ang galit niya, hindi ko alam kung bakit mas kaonti pa ro'n ang takot ko.

Nang manatili ang nag-aalab na tingin ni Mommy ay inaasahan kong may sasabihin, gagawin, o hihilahin ako sa kung saan. Ngunit nang tumalikod na, ang takong ay senyales ng pagtatapos ng usapan, nakahinga ako nang maluwag.

Kinuha ko 'yong tsansa upang makapunta sa kwarto. Pagkasara ng pinto ay nagpakawala ako ng buntong-hininga. Hindi ko mapigilang mapangiti dahil sa nangyari.

I knew that the night that I had earlier is one of the nights that I'll always treasure. Though it can be categorized under my mistakes, with his appearance, I treated it the other way—an achievement.

It wasn't as if I'd get to experience it every night. After all, where and how can I find him? I have no clue where he studies or where he lives. Gustohin ko 'man na magtanong kay Mommy o kaya kay kuya ay hindi ko magawa. Hahayaan ko na lang na mangyari ang dapat mangyari dahil iyon naman talaga ang dapat.

But I couldn't forget what happened today especially that it is filled with his warmth and kindness.

After I danced with Seville with the stars as the witnesses, he told me that he'll accompany me to go back. As much as I want to, I stopped him from doing so. I left him there because I couldn't bear including him in my mother's wrath. Though he was hesitant, he had no choice but to go on.

I could still feel the warmth of his hands that's left at my palm, too. Along with the comfort of his coat that cladded me from the cold and his gentle eyes that guarded me against my insecurities.

The thought of those made me grin wider. It even made my heart swell.

For me to be able to experience the attention, affection, and appreciation that he gave is a privilege.

Is going out with him would be a privilege of mine, too?

Nevertheless, the small taste of freedom made me happy. No matter how imperfect it made me, I had no regrets.

After all, the time away from luxury made me breathe freely.

When I went to university the other day, I was relieved that no one knew about the engagement. I was lucky enough for them to be not included in the list. Kung oo ay mahihirapan akong gumalaw.