Epigraph and Quintessence (STATION Series #4)

Kabanata 15

Kabanata 15

Honest

I found myself studying at a café with Abraham a few days after his so-called confession. Though I find it awkward because of what happened, he doesn't seem to mind it. Hindi rin naman niya pinaaalala ngunit hindi ko lang talaga mapigilan na maramdaman kung ano sa gusto niyang iparating.

It's... good and weird at the same time, but I don't want to mind it for now. Lalo lang akong maguguluhan.

"So," he started after he sipped from his drink. "Next study session is?"

He perked both of his thick brows up as he looked at me. Kumuha ako mula sa cookies na iniaabot niya sa 'kin at itinapat 'yon sa bibig. "A week before the exam, what do you think?"

He leaned at his chair and nodded. Nakabanat ang braso niya habang may binubuklat sa notebook niya, mata ay nakatuon doon. "There was progress in studying, Sav. Malayo-layo na ang nararating. I think we can do this for a few more?"

"Until the end?" I asked as I browsed my notebook. I realized that studying with a partner has been effective, too. "Let's be consistent until the end, Ab? Hanggang maka-graduate..." Natawa ako sa dulo. Ang tawa na 'yon ay para sa sarili rin.

That's impossible, Savannah...

"Sure."

I laughed at him and took his words lightly. "Sabi mo 'yan..."

I noticed that after Abraham indirectly told me what he felt, he has become more transparent. Mas napapansin ko ang mga bagay na ipinararating niya ngunit hindi ko maiwasan ang mangamba.

Until when will this transparency last, Abraham? If you grew tired of me, will this transparency disappear? Natatakot ako sa kung ano ang susunod na mangyayari ngunit wala akong magagawa kun'di makisabay sa gusto ng mundo dahil iyon naman talaga ang dapat. Iyon din ang rason kung bakit nakisasabay ako sa kung ano 'man ang iutos ni Mommy.

My world is my mother's that's why she has control over it.

"Tama na 'yan..." he playfully said and closed the notebook. Ipinatong niya 'yon sa mga gamit kong nasa lamesa.

Nagtataka ko siyang tiningnan habang inaayos ang ilang highlighters at ballpen.

"Take a break, Sav. You're stressing yourself." He leaned forward and played with his drink. Biglang sumeryoso ang mukha niya, hindi ko lang alam kung bakit.

"Do you have something to say?" I asked when I noticed his change of mood. I grew a little nervous.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang umaapak ako sa bubog tuwing kasama si Abraham. Hindi lang bubog, para ring may nakataling lubid sa leeg ko. Kaonti mali lang ay masasaktan ako.

"I'm thinking..."

"Thinking of what?" I pried, my heart beating wildly. Natatakot ako sa kung ano 'man ang sasabihin niya.

"If you want me to be more honest or things than that."

A small smile crept on my lips when pain shot my heart. I don't why I missed Seville...

I touched his hand and gently caressed it. Napunta ang tingin niya sa 'kin bago nagpakawala ng maliit na ngiti.

"Savannah, I want to be honest with you—I'm really, really trying to be."

Nakaapak ako ng bubog.

Nangunot ang noo ko. "O... kay?"

"It was a hard choice to make, believe me."

Muntik na akong malagutan ng hininga. "Go on..." I whispered, but I don't want to hear what he said.

He firmly closed his eyes. I can feel how his grip tightened. It seemed to me that he's finding this hard to tell.