Epigraph and Quintessence (STATION Series #4)

Kabanata 33

Kabanata 33

Freedom

A few days after my graduation, I busied myself in finding a review center to study for my board exams. I found one at Makati and decided to rent it out for the whole time that I'm reviewing. Bago ako mag-stay ro'n ay lumabas ulit kami nina Cloud at Therese dahil alam na pare-parehong magiging busy.

Cloud will be busy with his band who is now a wild rookie in the music industry. Therese will be busy with her work as she gains experience before she takes the board, while I'll be busy reviewing. Magkakalayo kami ng lugar kaya paniguradong sa chat lang makikipag-usap.

I spent almost six months reviewing. I was able to focus on it because my brother finally graduated from his Masterals, meaning, the temporary responsibility that I have over the company is gone.

I didn't mind it, it doesn't matter a lot to me, anyway. Hindi ko rin naman gaanong ramdam dahil parang hinahayaan lang nila ako, parang nangmamaliit sa kakayahan ko.

Pero ayon nga sa pagkakakilala sa sarili, hindi na ako hihingi ng kung ano mula sa iba dahil ako na ang magbibigay no'n sa sarili. Natutunan ko na kung hihingin ko 'yon mula sa iba, hindi ko na makikilala ang sarili ko.

I was too weak to admit that before, but now that I grew stronger, I could admit it now.

I wasn't able to attend my brother's graduation because I was busy. Hindi ko rin sigurado kung pwede ba akong pumunta ro'n. Ngunit alam ko na kung pupunta ako ro'n ay alam kong hindi pa ako handa. Hinayaan ko nalang ang kawalan ng presensiya ro'n at binati si kuya sa chat.

I know that it's so cruel of me to do that to my brother, but to be honest, I don't know how I will face him.

Nangangapa ulit kami sa isa't isa at sobra akong nasasaktan do'n. Gustohin ko mang huwag umaktong gano'n, hindi ko alam kung ano ang nararamdaman ni kuya dahil hindi ko pa siya nakakausap. At isa pa, wala akong lakas magtanong.

That's why I left this part of me unanswered. Tsaka ko na lang aalamin kung handa na 'ko.

Just like before... let the world run its course.

But there's one thing that manage to bother me while I'm studying.

Seville. Of course.

Ayoko na sanang pansinin pa 'yon, pero paano ko hindi papansinin kung nakita ko ang Instagram post niya noong isang araw?

Sa sobrang tagal na hindi ko binubuksan ang Instagram ko, nakalimutan ko na fina-follow namin ang isa't isa. Ngayong nagkaroon ako ng oras na buksan 'yon, iyon pa ang bubungad sa 'kin.

It was... a few pictures of me during graduation. A stolen shot before the ceremony has begun. Kakukuha ko lang ng toga at cap noong oras na 'yon.

My face looked... nice. It's nice, really. Hindi ako malungkot o ano. Nakatitig lang ako sa kung saan hanggang sa mga sumunod na picture ay unti-unti akong napangiti.

sebastiandlf best girl.

In the next post, I knew that my heart dropped... along with my tears.

A picture of me inside the hall.

Paakyat kami ni Daddy sa stage. Sumunod ay ang pagtanggap ng diploma pati ang pagngiti ko sa camera. Ang panghuling litrato ay ang malaking screen kung saan naka-flash ang graduation picture ko, ang pangalan ko, pati ang program at ang Latin Honor ko.

And his caption...

sebastiandlf crème de la crème. always the best of the best. in any category.