Epigraph and Quintessence (STATION Series #4)

Kabanata 16

Trigger warning: Minor reference to self-harm and suicide in this chapter. Please refrain from reading if you can't bear such themes.

Kabanata 16

Rason

It's been a few days ever since Seville told me about the importance of my opinions. Hindi ko dapat siya pakikinggan dahil ayaw ko nang mapaglaruan pa, pero hindi ko alam sa sarili kung bakit sinunod ko. Siguro ay nadala sa kabaitan. Iyon ba ang pinaplano niya?

Ang hindi ko lang maintindihan ay kung bakit kailangan pang ipaalala sa 'kin ni Seville na may halaga ang opinyon ko. I don't want to rely on him anymore because I want to cut ties with him. The burden that I put on my cousins' shoulders should be enough for me, so why would I put it on a person who's tired of me, too?

Nevertheless, I knew I was thankful even though I have a bitter feeling against him. The response from the organization's secretary was categorized as a success. Salamat daw sa ideya na ibinigay ko para sa Accountancy week.

I thanked him, too, for telling me that my opinions mattered because he doesn't know how much it meant to me. He saluted and waved goodbye. Nang makalayo siya ay napasapo ako sa dibdib, malakas ang tibok ng puso, hindi naniniwala sa nangyari.

Winning as the organization's auditor put a big responsibility on my shoulders. I knew it was a lot for me to take in, but I continued with it because I wanted to learn. Iyon ang plano ko nang mag-eleksyon at gano'n pa rin ang plano pagkatapos manalo.

It seemed to me that I can also redeem myself away from the categories my mother created. That's enough to put a small smile on my face.

"Ano ang kailangan ni Aaron sa 'yo?" bungad ni Abraham habang may bitbit na dalawang lemonade. "Nice smile, Sav."

I thanked him when he gave me the other drink. Nanatili akong nakatitig do'n dahil hindi ko alam kung saan ilulugar ang tuwa ko.

Finally... sana ganito rin ang mangyari kapag binanggit ko kay Mommy.

He casually sat beside me and leaned his head towards mine. I leaned my head towards him, too. Hawak-hawak niya rin ang biniling lemonade habang ang hita ay bahagyang nakabukaka.

"I recommended something to the president of the org. Idea siya tungkol sa Accountancy week. It's about surprises and other things..."

"Your idea's good."

Bahagyang nanlaki ang mata ko at napalingon sa kan'ya. "Y-You heard it? Wala ka naman sa meeting!"

Kagat-kagat niya ang straw nang tumingin sa 'kin at tumango. "May listahan na 'ko ng mga kumuha ng pera sa org. Let's track it down later, Sav..."

I pouted and nodded at him. Inayos niya ang ulo ko na ngayon ay nasa balikat na niya.

He sighed and put his arm at my back. He lightly pushed my body towards his. "Let's take a rest for a while, medyo napapagod ako."

Tumango muli ako at tumahimik sa tabi niya.

I'm happy that this relationship is progressing. I just hope that I won't regret something at the end...

After Abraham and I rested for a few minutes, we went on with auditing. He's the elected Treasurer of the same Accountancy organization that's why we spent most of our time during the preparation. Nadidinig ko man ang ibang usap-usapan tungkol sa 'min, hindi ko na lang pinapansin. Hindi ko na lang din inaalala kung bakit ko ginagawa 'to.

The best thing is that I'm happy with what I'm doing, right? Like a redemption... but the other way around.

It also took me a few days before I gathered the courage to apply what Seville told me to my mother. The difference is I told it to my older brother first before I went on with my plan. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay may maisa-suggest pa si kuya.