Epigraph and Quintessence (STATION Series #4)

Kabanata 14

Kabanata 14

Pinaglalaruan

Sunday came. I didn't want to leave my bed, but I knew I had to because I need to. Kung hindi ako babangon, pagagalitan na naman ako ni Mommy. At kung mangyayari 'yon na nandito si Ma'am Karoline, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin.

But I was lucky to be out of that so-called home when my cousins arrived. Bumisita sina Cloud at Therese sa bahay at inaya akong lumabas. Inaasahan ko ang pagpayag ni Mommy dahil si Cloud ang pinag-uusapan, at nang pumayag nga, hindi ko lang alam kung matutuwa ako o hindi.

It seemed to me that she's favoring them over me... which is true.

"Sa'n si Kuya Warren?" tanong ni Cloud nang makasakay kami sa sasakyan niya.

He's wearing his usual attire of plain shirt and maong jeans. Hindi raw siya nagdala ng bomber jacket kasi mainit. Sinusuot lang naman daw niya 'yon kapag nagpapapansin o kaya'y nagpapabida. Ngayon, hindi niya kailangang magpabida dahil tinatamad daw siya.

"Wala ka bang gagawin, Sav?" tanong ni Therese na katabi kong nagse-cellphone.

I shook my head and leaned at the seat. Palihim akong bumuntong-hininga at tiningnan ang labas mula sa bintana. "Wala naman... I've already studied. Besides, I need this."

I felt how the air turned awkward. My heart hurt at that.

Napansin ko ang pagsulyap ni Cloud mula sa rear mirror pati na rin ang pag-ismid ni Therese. Wala akong ibang nagawa kun'di tumawa nang bahagya, pilit na pinagagaan ang paligid pati na ang nararamdaman.

"You worry about me so much," natatawa kong sabi.

"Dumating pala si lola."

"Cloud," paninita ni Therese.

I forced myself to smile and nodded. "I-Is that why you visited me?"

Naramdaman ko muli ang panunubig ng mata. Pinigilan ko na lang ang sariling umiyak dahil nahihiya ako sa mga pinsan ko.

"Pwede bang 'wag ka pabalikin do'n? Ang lala na, e," seryosong sabi ni Cloud nang magpula ang stoplight.

"Alam mo namang 'di papayag si Tita Lucy. Pinapaasa't sinasaktan mo lang si Sav—"

"No, it's okay, Therese..." Tumulo na ang luha ko. Dali-daling pinalis 'yon ni Therese gamit ang panyo niya. "B-Both of you being here is enough... thank you for being my breather."

What I don't accept about my ruling is how I always depend on another people for my comfort and acceptance. I don't want to use my cousins anymore—that's how it is to me—but I knew that I can't push them away, either, because if I would, I'd lose what I have.

Losing is good, but I have nothing to hold onto that's why I don't like it so much.

Umungot ang brake. Seryoso muling sumulyap si Cloud bago naiiling na pinatakbo ang sasakyan. "Gusto ka na naming paalisin d'yan."

I could only smile at my worried cousins.

I hope I could get out from that place immediately, Cloud...

We arrived at the mall after a few minutes of driving. Pansin kong may ilang bumati kay Cloud dahil sumisikat na ang banda nila. Hindi naman niya mapigilang makipag-picture kaya bahagya ring natagalan.

"Lagi kaming nandito ni Cloud, okay, Sav?" pagpapaalala ni Therese habang abala si Cloud sa mga fans ng banda nila.

I nodded at her and gave a genuine smile—one that I rarely use because experiencing happiness is rare. Kina Cloud at Therese ko lang madalas na ipinakikita 'yon ngunit dahil abala sa sari-sariling gawain, wala na akong oras pa para magsaya.