Chasing You (Completed)

Chapter 51

I can't still accept that he did those things. I trusted his words, his actions. He told me that he loves me but how the hell did he do those things? How easy for him to broke me into pieces? Gaano kadali sa kanya ang lokohin ako at paglaruan?

Gaano kadali para sa kanya ang saktan ako at iwang sugatan?

Sa tuwing naalala ko lahat ay lalong nadudurog ang aking puso. Walang gabing hindi ako lumuha sa tuwing bumabalik sa akin ang bangungot ng nakaraan. Ang mga alaalang masaya na dati ay gustong gusto kong inaalala,ngayon ay sakit na sa akin ang dala.

Napapunas ako sa aking mata dahil tumulo na naman ang panibagong luha. Kailan ba ako mahihinto at makakaalis sa sakit na ito? Hindi ko alam pero parang malabo pa rin sa akin ang lahat. Kailan lang nuong masaya kami... nangako sa isa't isa na kahit anong mangyari ang tiwala namin sa isa't isa ay mananatili. Pero anong nangyari? Biglang nagbago ang lahat at sa isang iglap, iniwan ako.

Damn it! What the fuck did I do in my past life to experience these all? I'm fucking tired. I think I lost my half life. I love him. I trusted him. I even understand everything about him. But after all those things that I gave to him, pains and bruises we're given back to me in return. And until now, I'm still looking for a cure or way to get my strength back to fight this pain that is killing me inside.

I'm surely a mess right now. I know! I forgot to took care of my self. I'm tired. I'm sick of this love. Is this love? Ito ba ang tinatawag nilang pag-ibig?

I very knew in the first place that when you love, pains are on your side. Waiting to attack on you, waiting for the right time to kill you. Did I really gave much love to Lawrenz? That now, this is the consequence ?

They said that pain is part of loving. That when you love, you surrender yourself to face the pain brought by that love. That love and pain are connected. You loved so you're also ready to got hurt. Na dahil pinasok mo to, then you are also ready for the consequences.

What kind of logic is that? Bakit parating kasama ang sakit kapag magmamahal ka? You did good but you got pain in return. Pain that will surely leave a scars. Pains that will always be remembered because of the scars.

I knew that love is not just about loving someone. That love is not just about happiness. That love is not just about having sweet experiences.That love is not an easy one but a hard one.

That love is about choices and possibilities.

We have the possibility to be together in the end that we won the battle or it's just also a possibility that we chose to end up everything because of our choice.

Choice niyang saktan ako.

Choice kong minahal ko siya ng sobra.

And maybe we did the right choice, to end this sick love. Na nagsimula lahat sa hindi ko maintidihan na pangyayari. Damn! Of course, hindi siya makamove on that's why he diverted her attention to someone who care also to him. At ako yon. I showed him that I'm madly into him na gustong gusto ko siya, na mahal na mahal ko siya... and in the end uubusin niya rin pala ako. Sinamantala ang kahinaan ko para makalimot sa sakit na meron siya.

Kung mahal niya pa bakit siya gagamit ng ibang tao?

Okay na sa akin eh.Akala ko okay ang lahat.

Kahit sana sinabi niya na lang na hindi ako naging rebound at sinabing wala na talaga. Mas mabuting ganun na lang sana. Kaysa naman sa malaman mong rebound ka na nga at hindi na rin ikaw, tangina. Ako na ang malaking tanga.

Yes in the first place, ginawa niya akong panakip butas. At masakit yun, hindi ko alam na ganuon pala ang nangyayari. Tapos malalaman mo pang, wala na. Pagod na siya.