It Was Like A Dream

Chapter 25

-Yeji

Out of seven billion people, she's the one I loved. Out of anything I could have ever gave to her, I gave her my heart. Out of anything I could feel right now, I had to feel an insane amount of regret.

And that regret is missing her.

It's almost been a month since we last talked to each other. And through those days, we would just pass each other by the hallways, as if we were just strangers. And everytime we did, it would bring a sharp sting to my heart.

How do I get her to forgive me?

Do I need to jump so high until I could touch the sun? Do I need to swim in a river full of alligators? Do I need to build an entire Eiffel Tower made out of toothpicks? Because damn, I'm ready to do all of those combined if it meant for her.

I've said sorry so many times, but she doesn't even tolerate it anymore. I'm not even worth a glance from her.

Does this mean I have to give up?

I suddenly played the wrong chord of my guitar in the middle of practice, causing the band members to look at me.

"What the hell, Yeji?" Jihoon complains.

"I'm sorry." I said. "How do you do minor B again? I-I forgot."

"For the love of god, we can't have any more mistakes, okay? The performance is this Sunday night."

"I'm sorry." I said weakly. The more I thought about her, the more I kept messing something up.

"It's simple." Sujin chimed in. "Put your fingers here." She took a hold of my hand and started to place it on the strings individually.

"Thanks Sujin." I said as I strummed the guitar, playing the right tune.

"No problem, Yeji." She gave me a smile and held her bass. "One more time, guys."

The practice ended at 7:30 in the evening, and everyone was heading home.

I kept thinking about ways to get Lia to forgive me. I wanted her back, so badly. I regretted everything I did wrong. Now, she won't even look at me.

I got to my car, and clicked a button on my keys. The car blinked, telling me the doors were open. As I was about to get in, I noticed that Sujin was just walking.

I got inside my car, and drove slowly to her side, making sure I don't hit her. I lowered the window to the passenger side, calling out to her.

"Hey. Need a ride?"

She looked at me, her eyes widening. "Huh?"

I chuckled slightly. "I said, do you need a ride home? It's pretty late to walk out all alone."

"N-No Thanks. The bus stop is just a few—"

"Just get in. I insist." I said as I gave her a small smile.

She shyly went inside the car and tacked on her seatbelt. I maneuver the car towards the school's exit.

"So, uh..." I said. "Where do you want me to drop you off?"

"Just at the bus stop. You really didn't have to drive me there. It's just pretty close."

"Most girls don't even get a chance to get in a car with me. You're someone who's pretty lucky in that sense."

"Oh? Should I be getting a medal or something? I bet it's a greater achievement than a Grammy."

I chuckled as she did as well. I've always enjoyed Sujin's company. She's always been someone who lights up the mood, especially when it's just the two of us. Cracking jokes has always been common for us.

I fell silent as I thought of how her laugh sounded a bit like Lia's. It made me miss her a lot more. It gets so tiring to be missing someone who hates you, but I wasn't tired one bit. I have to find a way to be someone who she considers close again.

"Hey Sujin? Can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"Let's say for example: You have a friend. And you started to have feelings for them, but you messed up so badly, that it made that friend hate you. How would you ask for their forgiveness?"

She fell silent for a quick moment, but cleared her throat. "To s-someone I have f-feelings for?"

"Yes."

"O-Okay? Let's see... I think I would say sorry."

"What else?"

"Um... buy them a gift, and then say sorry?"

"What if they ended up having feelings for someone else, and still hate you? How would you fix that?"

"Hmm... if they're happy with the person, then maybe just accept that you're not for them."

Ouch.

Her answer made my heart heavy. I didn't want to accept her being with someone else. It was too much. "B-But what if you don't want to give up on them? That you really care about them so much, that you don't want someone else to have them?"

"There's nothing you can do to fix that, if they're happy with someone else."

"Would you just try and fix the love you had for them, until they forgive you?"

"I would... but sometimes, love isn't always the answer to every fault. Maybe they'll need something else from you, so that they'll forgive you. Like, friendship. Being there for them when they need you. It's okay to be hurt by love, but if you really love the person, you'd want what was best for them, right? Love is strong, but that doesn't always mean it's the right one in the situation."

I fell silent to her answers. Especially when she said that love isn't always the correct thing to use for every fault. And she was absolutely right.

I've only been thinking about how Lia would forgive me, instead of considering what she needed.

She's told me that she can't handle people talking badly about her. That could mean, she doesn't love herself, or lacking in self acceptance. Maybe that was why she was afraid of being with me. She didn't want to accept herself, because everyone around her didn't try to accept who she was as a person. It made her feel scared, and paranoid to society.

Sure, I want Lia to forgive me, but not because I love her. But, I should want her to forgive me, so I could help her love herself.

Maybe the love she gave me, wasn't something she should have given to me first. She should have used that love for herself.

But because of what I had done, she had no love left for me, nor herself.

I have to fix this.

"Uh, Yeji? You drove pass the bus stop. You're not gonna kidnap me, are you?"

"Huh? O-Oh sorry! I got lost in thought." I reversed the car, and she got off. I lowered my window, to catch her attention.

"Sujin? Is it okay to ask a favour from you?" I asked. She turned to me, with her eyebrow crooked upward. "What kind of favour?"

I took a breath. Hoping that what I would do next, would be something that Lia could use, to regain her love again. The kind of love she could use: for herself, for me, or for someone else.

"I'll tell you tomorrow. But I promise it's not anything dangerous."

"Um, sure? I guess so."

"Thanks! I owe you one! See you at school tomorrow!" I drove off so fast in excitement, leaving Sujin confused.

I'll make things right.

I promise, Lia.

A/N: Real plot starts now.