Relief • (Sixx:A.M)

Riot In My Head

DJ's P.O.V:

You know what Hell is?

Hell is when you are expecting to find some toothpaste, but instead you come face to face with something so much worse...

Hell is when you have to come to terms with reality. You can't run away from it, or try to avoid it anymore, because it is smacking you right in the fuckin' face.

I was just looking for some fuckin' toothpaste.... that's it.

I didn't realize that I had ran out until I went to get myself put together for our interview later, and saw that I had none left. I figured it wasn't a big deal, since Nikki or James probably had some, and I knew they wouldn't have minded if I used theirs.

I don't know why my first instinct was to ask James, but it was.

He was in the shower, so I asked him from the other room if he had any toothpaste that I could use. I don't think he ended up hearing me though, because I never got an answer back. Nikki must have heard me because he nonchalantly let me know that James wouldn't mind if I borrowed it, and that he probably kept it in his suitcase somewhere.

I figured it was okay if I looked for it, especially since we're all so close with one another. We've gone through each other's shit so many times and no one ever gave a fuck, so that's what I did...

I mean... That's what I had intended to do, at least.

So, I made my way to James' bunk, and started looking for his suitcase. When I found it, I automatically noticed that there were a ton of different compartments, and I had no fuckin' clue where to start.

Honestly, if anyone in the world would have such a hard time trying to find toothpaste in someone's bag, it would be me.

I started unzipping each of the compartments, one by one, and I was having no luck at all.

I figured that it would just be easier to ask Nikki to use his toothpaste, but my train of thought was interrupted the minute I spotted a bottle of something that looked like it could be mouthwash.

I decided that the toothpaste would probably be in that same pocket if there was any, so I continued to rummage through.

Now, as I'm sitting here, frozen in confusion and shock, I can truly say, I wish I hadn't.

I didn't find any fuckin' toothpaste in that bag.

Instead... I found laxatives.

I found a stash of laxatives, diet pills, detox supplements, and caffeine capsules.

Remember that bottle that I thought had mouthwash in it? That wasn't mouthwash.

It was magnesium citrate.

My first reaction was confusion. I was asking myself what the hell all of this shit that I was looking at even was, because I know for one, I've never heard of half of it! And second, why the fuckin' hell he would even have it?

Now, the longer I find myself staring at the bottles in front of me, and the more details I read on the labels, the more my brain is starting to connect things.

It feels like pieces of this mysterious puzzle that I've been trying to solve for the longest time are finally coming together, except... It doesn't feel good.

It feels horrible.

I feel like I'm gonna be sick.

My whole body feels frozen in place and I can feel a huge lump in my throat, because now I realize that everything I've been trying to push away has been real. Everything that I was trying to avoid, dismiss, and play off has been exactly what I feared.