Relief • (Sixx:A.M)

I'm Sick

DJ's P.O.V:

"I heard him do it..."

I let out a snotty sniffle, as I point to the bathroom stall with my shaking arm. "Right in there..."

I can hardly form coherent sentences, because now I'm crying hysterically like a child. Nikki has his arm around me, and he is rubbing soothing circles into my back.

"And...." My mouth is open, but I can't get the words out without trembling. My heart feels like it's about to pop right out of my chest, or even creep up to my throat. "And... He..." I cover my face with my hands, immediately soaking them with my tears and smudged eyeliner. "He just.... stood there!" I'm shaking my head because I still don't want to face this horrible reality. It fuckin' hurts.

"He just fuckin' stood there!" I'm biting my lip and trying to speak through gritted teeth. "It's like.... It's like he didn't even care!"

The second that I say that, I feel like I've been stabbed with a dagger right into my heart, and everything inside of me is gushing out.

"Why doesn't he care?!" My vision is blurred up from the tears and the alcohol that's still in my system. I feel like my cries are louder than the music that is still blasting. "Why doesn't he----"

"Shhh... Shhh...." I can feel Nikki's arms wrapping around me, as he speaks in a soothing tone. "DJ...."

I can hardly hear anything because of how riled up I feel right now. Everything is blurring together... The noises in the room... My thoughts... My emotions...

"DJ, it's okay....."

Everything feels so jumbled up and chaotic. I don't know how to handle this. I don't know how to handle this---

"I should have listened to you..." I'm clenching my fists, as Nikki secures me in his arms. I'm absolutely wrecked right now. I feel like every aspect of my life has been broken down into a ton of pieces. I feel like I'm crumbling. I can't even breathe right.

"I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you...." My voice is muffled from my tears. "I'm sor---"

Nikki's grip on me tightens, as I'm crying on him. I've stopped counting how many times this has happened between the two of us during the past year.

"DJ...." He gently pushes my head up, so I'm facing him, and looks at me in the eyes. "You don't need to apologize...."

I immediately push my head back down, and press it into Nikki's chest. I don't want to be seen right now. I just want to run away from this. I don't want to make any of it more real than it already is.

"The truth is painful, DJ..." Nikki is squeezing me even tighter now, and I can hear the pain in his own voice. "It's so fuckin' hard... DJ, I know...."

~ ~ ~

2:00am

JAMES' P.O.V:

I.... I can't put into words how I'm feeling right now....

I just know that I somehow made it back here, huddled in the corner of my hotel room, with tears dripping down my face, after.... DJ...

Oh my god, I don't want to face this right now! I don't want to fuckin' face this right now—-

I can't stop crying because it fuckin' happened.

I swore to myself over and over again that I would never let DJ see me destroying myself like this... I would silently beg every day for him to not see it. I even had nightmares about him seeing it...

He fuckin' saw!

He heard me!

He knows!