Relief • (Sixx:A.M)

Dead Man's Ballet

DJ's P.O.V:

2:00am

I have so much to say.... I don't even know where to start.

Jesus... This shit sucks.

Why do bad things always happen to good people? I feel like the world is fucked up like that sometimes.

It's not fair. It's not fuckin' fair, okay! I miss him. I miss my best friend. I miss the James that would put his whole heart and soul into the music... the one who would always crack jokes and be the goofy party animal dork that we all know...

I miss the James that was open with me about anything. He trusted me and we would open up to each other about whatever shit was going on inside of our heads. I miss having my best friend around.

He's not gone, but I feel like his whole soul is. It's all because of this fuckin' demon inside of him. This parasite trapped in him telling him he's a piece of shit and not good enough. It controls him and possesses him.

I don't see James any-more. I don't know who I see but I don't like it. I don't like it and I WANT HIM BACK!

I'm scared to death every fucking day because I never know when it'll be the day that I find him dead somewhere. He's rotting away every second I see him and my heart is fucking breaking.

The worst part of the whole thing is that I can't do anything about it. I'm sick of being forced to watch him slowly kill himself without being able to stop him. FUCK!

Fuck eating disorders!

Fuck Anorexia! That's a horrible fucking word to say. It's a life sucking parasite of an addiction....

~ ~ ~

'Oh no, how could this happen to
Such an amazing young boy
I had my whole life ahead of me'

~ ~ ~

JAMES' P.O.V:

10:00am

I don't even know if I ever fell asleep last night... I just know that I'm shocked that my body survived everything I put it through yesterday...

It feels like a complete blur... My brain feels fried because of all of the behaviors that I used. Everything feels fogged up, and it's hard to remember the distinct details of things these days, but I know that right now, I feel like hell...

I feel like absolute hell, and I don't know how I'm gonna pull off performing tonight.

My head is pounding so bad right now, and I'm still under the covers of my bed, because of how much it hurts. I feel like every last ounce of energy that my body held onto has been drained out of me. I feel nauseous, and that's fucked up, because it's definitely because of the dehydration. I don't know the last time I drank something, because all I did yesterday was purge every single thing that I put in my body, including fluids... My hands are shaking, and they have a weird purplish tint to them... Honestly, they look like they belong to an eighty year old... My skin has gotten so dry, and because I'm dehydrated, it looks even worse. I can feel the horrible sensation of acid creeping up my throat, and that's just making me feel sicker. My chest burns, and my throat still feels raw from everything.

I haven't even looked at what my face looks like, and I don't even know if I want to. I don't even wanna know how bad I look right now... and I am definitely not looking forward to anyone else seeing me either.

~ ~ ~

'Oh God, how could you have let this
Happen to such a lovely young child
I was their only son and I tried,
Tried, tried!'