Relief • (Sixx:A.M)

Tomorrow

JAMES' P.O.V:

"James, come sit down..."

Sit down? Oh, hell no.

I can't fuckin' sit down!

There is this uncomfortable tension swimming around the room and I don't know how to make it go away.

I'm suddenly starting to feel anxious because I don't know what the fuck is going on, but whatever it is... I don't like it.

I'm still standing frozen in the same spot because I can't get myself to move. Nikki looks like he wants to coax me onto the couch, but there's no way I'm sitting down. I can't sit down. I never sit down...

"We just wanna talk...". Nikki slowly gets up from the couch, and puts his hand on my shoulder.

I'm trying my best to not cringe or tense up, but I don't think I'm doing a good job.

I kind of want to jump out of my skin, because I don't like the feeling of this.

Nikki starts massaging my shoulder in a rhythmic pattern, as I feel my heart rate increasing.

"James, you're so tense. You gotta relax..." He leads me to the couch. "Come on... just sit with us..."

I realize that I'm not gonna find a way out of this, so I reluctantly lower myself down right in between Nikki and DJ.

Nice job, you fuckin' piece of shit. Now all of those contaminants that entered your body are just gonna stay stuck inside of you. They're just gonna fester and you can't do anything about it, so now you're gonna have to do something about this later on, and it's no body's fuckin' fault but YOURS —-

All I want to do right now is run, but I'm forcing myself to stay still, even though it feels like torture.

There's an uncomfortably long period of silence, until Nikki breaks the ice.

"So..." He smiles, "How was your shower?"

Nice attempt at small talk, Nikki... I see what you're trying to do....

You're trying to ease the tension, but I hate to break it to you.... It's not fuckin' working!

"Uh..." I turn to face him, and attempt to act as natural as I possibly can. "It was nice, actually..."

I can feel myself tensing up, because it was definitely not nice. In fact, it kind of felt like Hell. I can never fully focus on the actual shower any-more because I get too sucked into obsessing over what my body looks like instead. Then, the more I observe it, the faster those horrific feelings start bubbling to the surface, and soon enough all I want to do is rip my skin off and crawl my way out of my body —- I feel trapped.

"Thanks for asking..."

Suddenly, Nikki puts an arm out to me and rests it on my shoulder.

"So... uh...". He clears his throat and quickly continues. "Me and DJ just want to make sure you're feeling okay..."

Oh... god.

I have to fight the urge to roll my eyes right now.

Are you serious?

I give one of my best smiles and shake my head.

"Of course I feel okay." I take a breath. "What's making you ask that?"

Wow... Gee, James, I wonder...

I can see DJ fidgeting on the other side of me, and I could swear the room is being filled up with his nervous energy.