Have You Seen This Girl

Chapter 80 The last straw

Chapter 80

Jillian’s POV

Bakit parang noon mahal natin ang isa’t isa pero ngayon mahal na lang kita?                                                     

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There was you and me. We’re crazy in love about each other. As we feel the breeze, I feel your love. As I breathe life, I breathe you. You told me you’re never gonna let me go and I just have to believe you. When you love someone, you trust them right?

We were staring at each other when you held my hand. I looked for the depths of your gaze and I found home. I was scared but you gave me peace. Loving you wasn’t my plan, I didn’t know how and when did it happen.

I just knew right the moment I saw you, you’re the person I’m willing to die for daily.

I still remember what you told me when I professed my love for you. I was willing to risk it all. I was willing to give everything but I also know that the dreads of the unknown future beyond us are enveloping me so I told you I was scared. Then you enwrapped your warm hands around me and I was safe. 

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The saddest part of a memory is the fact that it will never happen again, the same way you felt it before.

And now I’m starting to realize that he’s just another picture to burn. I have to forget him. I have to lose him.

“Pasensya na nakatulog ako,” ani ko. Inangat ko ang aking ulo mula sa pagkakadantay sa balikat ni Nick.

Nginitian niya ako. “Okay lang.”

Natahimik ako nang maalala ko ‘yung napanaginipan ko. Parang kailan lang ang saya pa naming dalawa. Pero sa isang iglap lahat ng ‘yun nawala.

Sana hindi na lang ako nagising. Pathetic ba kung sasabihin ko na mas gusto kong mapanaginipan na magkasama kaming dalawa kaysa harapin ang katotohanan na wala na talaga?

Memories are loud and clear but between us, it’s vague and uncertain. That’s why there are times when I just want to close my eyes and reminisce those happy thoughts and fall in love again. But when I open my eyes, here comes the reality whick struck me deep inside. There is no ‘US’. There was never ‘US’.

“Don’t think of the things that will hurt you,” Nick said without staring at me.

I shrugged. “Not like I wanted to. If only I have a choice, I would filter my thoughts and forget about him. But that’s not how it goes. Nostalgia’s a traitor.” 

“Think about happy things, those that will lessen the pain,” he added.

The placidity embraced me and it was solacing—at some point. “Is it even possible that the only memory that could make you happy is the same memory that can bring so much pain and make you lonely?”