Have You Seen This Girl

Chapter 37 I'm about to . . .

Chapter 37

Jillian’s POV

Tumakbo ako papasok ng bahay namin. Soon as I got inside, I started catching for my breath. I held my chest to support it because it feels as though I’m going to lose it in any second. As far as I know, wala naman sa lahi namin ang may sakit sa puso kaya imposible naman na dahil doon ang nararamdaman kong ito.

This is really insalubrious! I need to stay away from Trenton. He will do me no good. To be honest, I think he’s going to be the reason of my early death. Kakaiba na ang mga nangyayari sa akin. Dati naman hindi ako ganito. I’m weird but this weirdness is weird. What, Jillian? Even my thinking is now screwed. What am I going to do with my life?

  

“What’s happening?” I asked myself. I poked my forehead lightly. “Bakit nagkakaganiyan ka? For whoever’s sake! Si Cyrus lang ‘yan! Kung maka-react ka naman! He’s not almighty so shut that delusion, okay?”

To shift my attention, nagpainit ng lang ako ng tubig. Nang masalin ko na ito sa termos, agad akong nagtimpla ng kape. Stupid idea, I know. I just can’t find any sane thing to do anymore.

I was holding the cup of coffee while weighing the things that have happened. Huminga ako ng malalalim. Hindi naman pwedeng iyon na nga ‘yun. Come on. Not that fast. And I am not ready yet, most of all, not with him. Not with the person I loathe the most.

I shook my head heavenwards. Of course, that’s not happening. Maybe I was just being neurotic. Linagok ko ang kape at napaso pa ang dila ko. Pero imbis na pansinin ko ang sakit na naramdaman ko, ang tangi kong nagawa ay ang guluhin ang buhok ko. I’m so frustrated! I’ve never been this baffled until this day. Pati sa sarili kong nararamdaman ay naguguluhan ako. Is this even normal?

“Jillian, calm down. You’re over doing it. Chill ka lang.” Mahina kong tinapik ang balikat ko. Pagkatapos nito ay linagay ko sa table ang baso na hawak ko. I slouched to get a better position.

“Okay lang ‘yan,” ani ng isang boses mula sa likod. Nagitla ako kaya napahawak ako sa puso ko.

“Papa naman, eh!” usal ko. Ang hilig kasi manggulat, eh. Muntik na akong atakihin sa puso dahil doon.

Or maybe it’s just the side effect of coffee. My knees are also trembling.

Lumapit si Papa at naupo sa tabi ko. Agad akong kinabahan dahil dito. Ang dami ko na kasing hindi nakukuwento sa kaniya. There are a lot of secrets I wish I could tell him but I myself am not sure about those.   

“Papa,” I uttered. I leaned on his shoulder. He ruffled my hair and kissed my forehead. My old man, he really knows how to comfort me. Is it possible that he knows what I’m feeling?

“Huwag kang matakot sa nararamdaman mo,” aniya. I want to cry right now. Is this his parental instinct?

“Po?” I pretended like I didn’t know what he was talking about.