Have You Seen This Girl

Chapter 83 OMEGA ADIEU

Chapter 83

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"It was my mission to find you, but falling in love with you was not part of the plan. It happened so fast, and it was too good to be true. Siguro naging padalos-dalos ang puso ko, hindi ako nag-ingat kaya nahulog ako sa 'yo. Noong makilala kita, sabi ko may iba, hindi 'to tama. Madaming nagbago sa buhay ko mula noong makasama kita. I was never the same person; you changed me, in a positive way. You made me realized that I am weak, and you are my strength. You might be the the nosiest and most annoying person but I don't care, I love you, nothing and no one can change that. And if I'll look back at my past, I know it's worth remembering, know why? Because you were there. Ang tagal, Jillian. Ang tagal kitang hinanap, ang tagal kitang hinintay. Pati kalendaryo naiinip na para dumating 'yung araw na makikita kita, noon namang nahanap na kita, naging duwag ako. Natakot ako sa pwedeng mangyari, madaming what if's. Paano kung 'di mo ako matanggap? Paano ko ipapaliwanag sa 'yo ang lahat? Paano kung hindi mo ako mapatawad? I was just afraid. Ever since then I knew, I was meant to protect you. I would sacrifice everything for you. I became a coward and I regretted that. I could've fight for you, maybe if I stood strong, I will still have you. Kaso may mga bagay sa nakaraan mo na kapag nalaman mo, masasaktan ka lang, isa ako sa mga bagay na 'yun at ang sakit. Hindi ko matanggap na dahil sa akin nagkandaleche leche ang buhay mo. Dahil sa akin madaming masakit na bagay na nangyari sa 'yo, dahil sa akin kailangan mong maghintay, ng dahil sa akin kailangan mong masaktan. Kung kaya ko lang ibalik ang lahat, hinding hindi kita paiiyakin, aalagaan kita, mas mamahalin kita at hinding hindi kita iiwanan. Madami akong bagay na pinagsisisihan, noong iniwan kita, noong hindi kita binalikan, noong hindi kita nahanap, noong sinaktan kita at noong hinayaan kong umiyak ka. Gusto ko sanang bumalik tayo sa panahon na magkasama tayong dalawa, at hihilingin ko na sana hindi na iyon matapos pa. Pero unfortunately, wala namang rewind ang buhay, hindi ko na maibabalik pa ang lahat ng nawala. Sana lang hindi ko sinayang 'yung mga pagkakataon na kasama kita, sana hindi na kita sinaktan pa. Ang tanga ko, 'di ba? Nasa akin ka na, pinakawalan pa kita. Sana lumaban ako, sana kumapit ka, at sana hindi tayo sumuko. Sana." His voice is breaking. I can hear his inconsolable sobs. "I can't afford to lose you but I can't stand to see your life screwing right before my very eyes. I'd rather choose to get hurt knowing you're fine. Jillian, true love is selfless and I can't be selfish enough, I need to protect you. You . . . you are my happiness. I never thought I could love like this, but you showed me that it is possible. Kasi noong minahal kita, naniwala ako na walang imposible, walang hindi pwede. If only I never let you go, if only I had the chance, maybe I could have loved you a little more." He paused and sighed. "Hey, are you still listening? Can you hear me? If I tell you I am sorry would you believe me? Are these things worth telling for? Would you be here if I say more? I don't know maybe yes or maybe no. I am running out of words, I couldn't say enough. I just . . . I just love you. I really do."

My tears are flooding my face. This anguish is like a storm devastating my heart. I've been playing this message day in and day out. It's a message Cyrus recorded before he flew going to Canada. Ibinigay ni Ate Summer ang ipod na ito sa akin bago siya sumunod sa kaniya.

♬♬Last night I heard my own heart beating
Sounded like footsteps on my stairs
Six months gone and I'm still reaching
Even though I know you're not there
I was playing back a thousand memories, baby
Thinking 'bout everything we've been through
Maybe I've been going back too much lately
When time stood still and I had you♬♬

Is there anyone who can make this love story worth reading for? Can somebody tell me, will I ever hurt for more? If x is subtracted to y, will it answer why?

What is the solution for this? I want to know. I am desperate. Because I swear, if I'll be given a chance to ask Einstein, I'll ask him the formula in forgetting someone. I am in need for answers.