Life was cruel like I don't know what I did to get stuck with Jace and Josiah but the words they said to me regarding the status of my relationship echoed through my head for days after we got back to Seattle. Then there was the fact that I was screwed out of a two week trip to anywhere in the world and every time I saw Mauricio I got pissed, but I wasn't mad at him, I was mad at myself because all I heard in my head was 'the trust is gone' and 'try being single' it didn't help that Kairo was fighting hard for my forgiveness. The thing is it was like the more he fought for us, the louder Jace's voice echoed in my head 'maybe y'all need a break sis, take some time, fuck the city, have fun because it seems like you aren't happy in your relationship'. I tried pushing those thoughts from my head because I knew Kairo, better than anyone and I knew he wasn't a bad person, did he make a colossal mistake? Yeah but no one was perfect.... but I wasn't happy, I hadn't been happy since my mom died so would it be selfish for me to take some time to myself and find my own happiness? I don't know but it was all confusing as fuck.
"So are you going to do it?" Fitz asked and I shrugged, so far he was the only person I had been able to talk to about what happened and even though Tarik was my best friend I already knew what he was going to say... which should've been a clue that I had already made up my mind in regards to Kairo. "I know Kairo fucked up.... but you shouldn't punish him for Quincy's actions."
"I'm not... I'm not punishing Kairo for what happened. Look I haven't been happy since my mom died, and while Kairo was the one who had my back throughout everything I was still suffering on the inside..... I just feel like I need to find my own happiness, without any distractions." I said looking up at the ceiling.
"Yeah if you can't find happiness in your relationship then something is definitely wrong.... Keep it a buck with me Ka'Jai.... does Shane play a role in this decision in any way, shape, or form?" Fitz asked and honestly, I haven't even considered Shane playing a role in this breakup
"Nah.... this is solely about me, this isn't about Kairo, Shane, or even Quincy..... I've always had his darkness inside of me, I get it from my dad and until I learn to live with this darkness I don't think I'll ever be able to give myself to Kairo." I said and Fitz nodded.
"Well if you aren't interested in Shane, let me know because I saw that dude at the gym and his ass was.... man I was about to fuck him right there in the locker room." Fitz said and I felt a flicker of annoyance, like a gnat buzzing around my head. "But I'm glad I'm not in your shoes.... you know Kairo isn't going to take this well, he's been feeling like y'all were on the verge of breaking up for a while now and he's been in his feelings about it."
"We're not breaking up.... we're taking a break." I said and Fitz looked at me like 'yeah, aight nigga', I had every intention of getting back with Kairo if he wanted to, but I needed some time to reflect and find my own inner peace.
"So how was your trip?" Fitz asked and I gave him a long recap of everything that happened and by the time I was finished, he was rolling on the floor laughing. "I think I like this dude Chase or Jace... whatever his name is, he sounds like a challenge, all he needs is a nigga to fuck him into submission and he'd be good."
"I thought you and Tarik were talking?" I asked looking at him.
"Nah we're just fuckin...Tarik doesn't want to be in a relationship, he just wants to fuck and I'm perfectly fine with that.... however, that nigga is a freak, like he be wanting to go back to back to back and I don't have that much stamina or nut... that's why I'm hiding from his ass now because I think he's trying to kill me through sex." Fitz said and personally I think that's the best way to go out.
"Ayy I'm about to go grab something to eat, any request?" Anjo asked walking into my room, I wasn't really hungry so I shook my head and waited until he left before sitting up in my bed.
