Never let you go

Chapter 4

Grey:

He doesn't remember the last 7 or 8 months. That's what Hunter's mom tells me. I feel my knees buckle when she says this. If he doesn't remember the last several months that means he doesn't remember me. It was a painful thought. He was alive, I was so happy about that but he didn't remember who I was. The universe could be so cruel sometimes.

I'm surprised when his mom tells me that Hunter has asked to see me. I feel a spring of hope that maybe he'll see me and remember. It's silly but I can't help it.

As we walk to his room I'm suddenly grateful that Sam brought me clothes to change into. It's stupid but I want to look nice for him. As I look down at my red sweater I smile as I remember our first date and how a few days later Hunter told me that I should wear red every day because the color was so breathtaking on me. I hope he still thinks that.

As we get closer to his room I feel more nervous as I think of the last time I saw him. What was he going to look like now? A mess probably. My heart constricted at the thought of seeing him broken. I'm used to seeing him strong like a force of nature. I try to think of what I want to say to him when I see him but everything I come up with just sounds stupid.

His mother leads me into his room and I try to remain composed as I see him lying in the hospital bed but it's hard. His leg is in a cast and his arms and face are covered in cuts and bruises. I can only imagine what the rest of his body looks like. I shudder at the thought and it takes everything in me not to run towards him and kiss him. I want to with everything in me but I hold back. You can't do that.

Eventually we begin talking and while I feel awkward since I know everything that has happened between us and he doesn't I still feel that same calming energy from him. The whole time I'm talking to him I pray that something will trigger a memory and he'll suddenly remember me but he never does. He's a little standoffish and it reminds me a little bit of how he was when I first met him but every now and then he looks at me and his eyes turn into that beautiful liquid blue that I love so much.

I'm a little hurt when he basically kicks me out by telling me he needs to rest but I let it go. He does need to rest and this whole experience has to be hard on him. I get up to leave but stop and walk back over to his bed and I grab his hand and I almost sigh from the way my body relaxes against his touch. I missed him. And it killed me to think about how he doesn't miss me because he doesn't remember me. Life was so unfair. I tell him I'm glad he's alright and then I run out of the room before I break down and cry in front of him.

Even though Hunter probably doesn't want to see me again I don't leave the hospital right away. I just can't bring myself to leave. It feels wrong. I feel like I should be here for him. I'm worried that I'll leave and maybe he'll remember everything and wonder where I am. I'm worried he'll need me and I won't be here. So I sit in the waiting room for hours. Sam tries to convince me to go home but after a while she gives in and goes back to the apartment to get me my books and some other supplies.

I stay at the hospital all night. I knew that I wouldn't be able to sleep at home anyway so I figured I could stay here and do homework instead. The nurses all seem to like me and are very friendly so they let me have free reign of the hospital pretty much. To be honest I think the nurse who took care of me earlier (Karen is her name) told the other nurses my situation and now they all feel bad for me but I don't care. I'll take their sympathy if it means I can hang out in the hospital and get a hold of the good coffee that the nurses have.

I reluctantly leave the hospital the next morning to go to my classes but the whole time I'm in class all I can think about is Hunter and how he is doing. Luckily I only have two classes today and once they are over I rush back to my apartment to take a shower so I can head back over to the hospital for the rest of the day. Unfortunately when I come out of the shower Sam is waiting for me in my room.