Never let you go

Chapter 60

Grey:

It's been almost a week since Hunter's birthday and since he told me everything, and the more time passes the guiltier I feel for not telling him all about my past. Again. At first I had been waiting because I felt like he deserved some time in between him telling me and me telling him everything. It was a lot for one person to handle. Besides, I didn't want to seem like I was trying to overshadow his revelation by sharing mine. But now I think I was just stalling. I'll admit I'm afraid, but of what I'm not quite sure. I guess a part of me is afraid that maybe he'll disappear again after I tell him, but I know that's ridiculous. It has become pretty clear to me that Hunter's past is a part of the reason why he ran from me before, so now that I know he shouldn't have a reason to leave. I also had the reassurance now that he's in love with me. I shouldn't be afraid, but I am.

This week with Hunter though has been absolutely amazing otherwise. I've been going to my classes and spending every other spare minute with Hunter. Hunter's been drawing a lot lately using the books I bought him and it makes me so happy to see him use them. I can tell how much he loves it, and I wish I could convince him to apply to school here this way he could turn his passion into a career, but like I told him I'll love him no matter what he decides. I just want him to be happy.

I'm currently sitting on the floor of my bedroom doing my homework and Hunter is sitting a few feet away from me drawing when he suddenly stops and hands me a piece of paper.

"What's this for?" I ask as I hold the piece of paper up in the air.

"When you have a moment I'd like for you to write down what your dream house would look like. I want to know everything, the color, the style, how many floors, bedrooms, windows and doors. I want to know if there would be any balconies or a porch. I even want to know what the landscape would look like."

I know why he's asking and my heart flutters, but I ask him anyway. "And why do you want to know this?" I ask holding back my smile.

He smiles back at me and rolls his eyes, "Because I want to draw it for you."

"Alright" I say. "As soon as I finish this I will start working on that for you."

"Thank you" he says simply and then he goes back to drawing and I watch him for a few moments before returning to my own work. As I look at him I imagine our future in my dream house, and I feel butterflies as I picture us just like this lying on our bedroom floor with him drawing for a new house or building he's designing and me sketching to help blow off steam after working at the hospital.

It sounds perfect, but in order to have that perfect future I need to tell him about my past again. I wish I didn't have to, but I do, just not today. I need a couple more days. I like seeing Hunter so light and happy and I know once I tell him everything he'll allow some of the darkness to come back in. The idea of causing that to happen pains me in ways I can't truly describe. Hunter has been through so much in such a short time that he deserves nothing but happiness every day for the rest of his life. I don't want him to feel any pain or guilt over things that have happened in the past but I know he'll hate himself for leaving the first time I told him everything no matter how many times I beg for him not to. I wish I could leave that part out, but I love and respect Hunter too much to lie to him and besides my story or should I say our story would not be complete without that detail.

"Grey?" I hear Hunter call. I shudder out of my thoughts and focus back on him. "Are you alright?" he asks concerned and I can only imagine what my face must have looked like.

"I'm fine" I say as I force a smile I know he won't buy.

"You're sure?" he asks and I can tell he knows something is up but is choosing to respect my privacy and not push.