Never let you go

Chapter 47

Grey:

I spent all of last night crying. After I walked away from Hunter I broke down completely. It was like I couldn't breathe. I still don't think I can. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to breathe properly again. I feel broken and destroyed, hurt and angry. Mostly though I just miss Hunter. I'm pathetic.

Sam and Nate stayed up with me until I fell asleep but sleep didn't last long before I had a nightmare that scared both of them awake. They both immediately asked if it was about Jason and then accident and they were both surprised to find out it wasn't. My nightmare was about losing Hunter. Funny thing was when I woke up I find my nightmare was real.

Sam desperately tried to get me to eat but food just lost its appeal. She also tried to get me to talk to her but words just seemed to fail me. All I could do was sit and stare at my countless drawings of him and wish that he was here with me.

Nate eventually left telling Sam that he needed to get out and do something and I briefly wondered if he was going out to kill Hunter. It wouldn't surprise me. Sam continued to sit with me not saying a word sensing finally that maybe this is what I needed. I just needed my best friend close to me. Okay, I really needed last night to have never happened but until time machines were built this would have to do.

About an hour later Nate comes back into the apartment and slowly walks into my room. His head is hanging low and he can't look at me. He looks upset.

"I'm sorry Grey" he says unable to meet my gaze. "I tried to help you, but . . . I failed you." I watch as his shoulders sag in defeat and if it's possible I think I feel my heart breaks a little more.

"Nate" I say finding my voice for the first time in hours and it comes out raspy and hoarse from crying. "What are you talking about?"

"I went to see Hunter." By the look on his face I can tell it didn't go well. I failed you. I feel a sharp pain in my heart as I realize the meaning of his words. Hunter isn't coming to fight for me. It's over.

Even though I walked away last night I hoped that Hunter would still fight for me. I hoped that he would wake up and realize the huge mistake he made the night before and that he would come running. I really was an idiot.

"He's not coming" I whisper. The words come out painfully and I feel tears form in my eyes.

"No Grey" Nate whispers back and I can tell this is hurting him too. "I don't think he is."

I see Sam crumble next to me and a part of me wants to comfort her and let her know I'll be okay, but that would be a lie and I can't lie to her. I close my eyes and take in a deep breath swallowing back the tears that are threatening to break lose.

"Grey" Sam says softly. "What can I do?"

"Can you guys just go?" I ask my voice coming out hollow. "I'd really like to be alone right now."

I see them both hesitate out of the corner of my eye but then slowly they both walk out of the room. Once they are gone I let the tears flow freely and I curl up in my bed and pray that someday this pain will go away secretly knowing it never will. I let him break me. I tried to convince myself that he wouldn't, that I could trust him. I was wrong and that realization stung so badly.

How did this happen? How did I get here? How could he do this to me? I let sob after sob rack through me hoping that maybe I can cry all of the pain out. Maybe soon there'll be nothing left and then I'll never have to be afraid of getting hurt again. I know that I just gave away the last of my love and my soul to Hunter. I guess I could find comfort in that.

I had planned on forgiving him this morning if he actually came and fought for me. I know deep down nothing happened with that girl and that he was only there because of what Grayson had said. I could forgive him for acting dumbly because he was hurt and scared, but I guess I would never get the chance because he wasn't coming to fight for me. That's what hurt the most. It was like I wasn't worth fighting for. If he loved me like I thought he did he would fight till his last breath for me. I was so wrong about so many things.

I knew one thing I wasn't wrong about though. I would love Hunter Williams everyday for the rest of my life. I would always love the boy who taught me how to love again after suffering such an incredible loss, who was willing to lay down his own life to save mine. I would love him forever.