Never let you go

Chapter 44

Hunter:

When my phone rang and I saw Grey's number I was instantly worried something was wrong. Any time I'm not with her I'm worried I'll lose her. My mind just goes to that dark place. As soon as I hear her voice though I relax. She's safe. That's all I can think.

When she tells me Sam came back early and that Nate is there too I decide to give them time to catch up. Of course I want to be with Grey but I also know she needs to time with her friends. She gave up her spring break to stay here with me for crying out loud. I could give her a few hours alone with them. Besides I think I needed some time to get over not getting to do what I planned on doing tonight. Part of me was relieved but part of me was disappointed. I was going to tell Grey everything. It was about time I was honest with her. I couldn't hide the truth from her anymore. The next time she told me she loves me I wanted her to know everything there is to know. I needed to know she could still love me after what I've done. If she could still love me that meant I could be redeemed.

As I think about telling her everything my heart rate increases and I feel panic begin to set in. I could lose her. I know that is the most likely outcome. She'll walk away. As I imagine her walking out of my life forever I panic even more and my body begins to crave alcohol and the solace of oblivion it brings me. I won't give in though. I can't. I can't show up drunk to Grey's later. She'll know something's up and I'll most likely say something stupid just like I always do when I drink. She didn't deserve that. I had to be strong for her.

I pass the next few hours by drawing buildings and imagining what my life would be like if I went to college. Could I go to college? If I did I could offer Grey a more solid future but did I deserve that? Did I deserve to have a happy future when Jess, Kurt, and Courtney never would? The more I think the more tired and weighted down I feel. Eventually I give up and go get ready to go out.

I leave my apartment a little before six and head over to Grey's. I asked Daniel if he wanted to head over with me but he said he would join us later. I didn't question it even though I found it a little odd that he wasn't rushing to see Sam. He had it pretty bad for that girl but maybe he had something to do. Not my business.

I knock on the door and I'm not surprised when Nate answers, but I am flooded with this weird sense of déjà vu again. Maybe this is me potentially getting another memory back.

"Hey man" Nate says as he sticks his hand out to me.

"Hey" I say back as I shake his hand. "What's up?"

"Not much" he says. "Glad you came over early. You have saved me from being tortured by Sam."

I laugh. "Grey mentioned something like that."

He smiles. "That's why she's my favorite" he says leaning in and whispering loudly.

"I heard that!" Sam calls from Grey's room.

"I meant for you to hear me!" Nate shouts back. I hear Grey giggle and I smile. Knowing she's here only a few feet away from me makes me happy but it's also killing me. I want to run into her room and kiss her but I have a feeling Sam will beat me if I go in there before they are ready.

"So what are the chances that I'll make it out of here alive if I go in there to say hi to my girlfriend?" I ask Nate as we head into the living room.

"Not very high" Nate says back. "Pretty sure you will be shot on sight."

"That's what I figured."

Nate and I sit on the couch and talk for a while. I ask him about school and how things are going and luckily he is able to fill up most of the conversation. I like Nate. He's a cool guy. I can tell he's from a good family who has money but he isn't arrogant. He doesn't act like he is God's gift to earth like Grayson does. He seems genuine and kind and I can tell why Grey likes him so much. I see a lot of her in him.