Never let you go

Chapter 41

Hunter:

The nightmares aren't so bad when you're here. Those are the last words she says before she drifts to sleep. I lie awake and listen to her breathe as I replay her words over and over again in my mind. Grey has nightmares? About what? Then I remember the scar on her side and her tattoo and I know it must have to do whoever she lost and whatever happened to her. She was just like me in a way I guess. I wonder if I knew about her past before the accident, if she trusted me enough to tell me. I desperately want to know now but I can't just come right out and ask and not offer anything in return. That would not be fair. I wish I could remember. When I regained that small memory earlier it was incredible and gave me hope that maybe I could remember everything one day. If all the memories are like that one I know for sure that I want them back, but what if they aren't? It's a small fear that I have. I worry that maybe I don't want all my memories back. It would be nice if I could pick and choose but it doesn't work that way unfortunately.

I want to know what Grey is hiding. I want to know everything about her. I want to know about her pain so maybe I can fix it. Maybe I can heal her and finally do some good in this world. I wouldn't be fully redeemed but it couldn't hurt. Besides, I just want to help her because I care about her and all I want is for her to be happy and safe. As I think about the memory of us I regained earlier I feel all the emotions I felt in that moment. I cared about her a lot then. I feel how much I was going to miss her and how happy I was just to be near her. I feel longing and want rise up inside me as I remember kissing her. I feel my desire to be with her and keep her safe. As I think about all those feelings and the way I looked at her when I was with her a startling realization hits me. I was falling for her. I guess it shouldn't surprise me considering how I feel about her now but it does for some reason. Was I falling for her all over again? I know I care about her, but was I falling in love with her? Could I love someone again after what I've been through? Was it possible? As I look down at her in my arms sleeping peacefully I know the answer.

Yes. It's possible.

Eventually I fall asleep and wake the next morning before Grey. She's still sleeping peacefully in my arms and I don't think she's moved at all. I guess she really doesn't have nightmares when I'm near. It makes me happy to know that I can at least give her that. I still wonder though what her nightmares are about. I watch her sleep for a while feeling like I've done this before many times and I briefly wonder if another memory is coming back but no clear specific memory ever does. She breathes softly and steadily and she looks so much like an angel when she sleeps. I could watch her forever. I kiss the top of her head and when I pull away her eyes flutter open.

"Hey" she whispers sleepily as she smiles up at me.

"Hey" I say back and in this moment I feel so content and happy, almost as if nothing bad has ever happened. I can't imagine it ever getting better than this. "How'd you sleep?" I ask as I remember Grey's comment last night about nightmares. I feel like this is a smooth way of bringing it up.

"Great." Her tone is light and happy but then she must see something in my expression because she stops smiling. "You can ask you know" she says softly. "About my nightmares I mean. I know you heard me last night before I fell asleep."

I swallow deeply and I suddenly feel nervous. "What are they about?" I ask hesitantly unsure of the right way to ask someone about something so personal.

"About losing you" she whispers. "They didn't start until after the accident. I used to have nightmares about other things before but that was because of something else."

I can tell she doesn't want to talk about whatever the 'something else' is so I don't pressure her for more. To hear that her nightmares are about losing me though breaks my heart but also makes me feel cared for and needed.