Never let you go

Chapter 37

Grey:

I still haven't slept. After leaving Hunter's apartment yesterday I sat up waiting and hoping that I would hear from him or that he'd show up. I never heard from him and he never showed. I refused to cry though. I needed to be stronger than that, so I sat up all night played my guitar and allowed myself to get lost in my music again. It was pretty therapeutic actually.

"You sound good" Sam says as she walks sleepily into my room. I glance at the clock and see that it's only eight in the morning.

"Sorry I hope I didn't wake you" I say sheepishly.

"Nope you didn't" she says as she sits on my bed.

"Sam you didn't have to wake up early to check on me. I'm fine."

"Who says I'm checking on you?"

"Me."

"Well I'm not" she says. I know immediately that she's lying. She was up pretty late last night hanging out with me but eventually I forced her to go to bed. I know she's worried about me and that's why she's in here now.

"Sure" I say as I roll my eyes.

"Have you heard from him?" she asks.

"No" I say as I grab at the pain in my chest from having to say the words.

"Well don't worry" she says trying to be optimistic. "It hasn't even been a whole day yet. He'll call."

I want to believe her but I'm not so sure she's right. Maybe the darkness won. Maybe he decided to let me go because he thinks he's protecting me. Maybe I've lost him.

I'm about to tell Sam my fears but then we hear a knock on the door and Sam jumps up to answer it. I'm shocked a few seconds later when I see Hunter standing in my doorway.

"Hey" he says quietly.

"Hey" I say back as I stand up and then remember I'm wearing baggy boy's shorts and an over sized t-shirt with no bra. I immediately cover my chest the best I can not wanting my boobs to be the focus of this conversation. Hunter must sense my worries and he sees a sweatshirt lying on a chair next to him and he picks it up and hands it to me.

"Here" he says.

"Thanks" I say as a small tight smile creeps onto my face. Once the sweatshirt is on I ask, "What's up?"

"Can we sit?" he asks as he looks at me bed. I nod and walk over to my bed with him and we sit on it facing one another. "I'm sorry about yesterday" he starts off. "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. You deserve better."

"You were drunk" I say hating the way his head hangs in shame but knowing it's not really an excuse. He's right. He shouldn't have yelled at me but I know it's just because he's scared.

"I still shouldn't have done it" he says still unable to look at me. "I'm also sorry I left the other night. I shouldn't have run out on you like that."

"Why did you?" I ask hesitantly my voice barely a whisper.

"I saw your scar and your tattoo and . . ." he trails off swallowing hard like these words are hard for him to say. "And I realized how much I could hurt you and that's the last thing I want. I'm so scared I'll hurt you."

"You won't" I whisper as I take his hand in mine. "And it's okay to be scared. You know before the accident we promised we would be scared together" I tell him.

He looks up at me his eyes filled with unshed tears. "We did?" he asks surprised.

I nod. "Yea" I say. "I'm scared too you know Hunter. I'm scared of being hurt and of hurting you, but we can't let fear stop us from living our lives. We can't let it stop us from caring about people."

"You don't know what you're getting into with me Grey" he says. "I'm broken and damaged. I'm so fucked up on the inside. Are you telling me you are willing to love even those parts of me?"

"I am" I say bravely. "I already do. I just need you to let me in Hunter. If you let me in you'll see that there is nothing that will ever make me walk away from you."

"I'm not so sure about that" he says. He's in so much pain and all I want to do right now is hold him and tell him I love him. I want to take away all his hurt just like he's taken away so much of mine.

"I'm sure" I tell him needing him to believe me. "Hunter you have no idea how great you are. You have no idea how much you've helped me, how much you've healed me. I was so broken when I met you. I was living my life day to day barely even existing and then I met you and suddenly I wanted to really live again. You healed me. I can never repay you for that."

"I don't deserve you" he whispers as he traces his thumb over my cheek and then tucks a piece of hair behind my ear.

"I love you Hunter" I tell him. "Stay with me. Let me heal you this time."

"I think you already are Grey. I think you already are" he says as he pulls me to him and kisses me.