Never let you go

Chapter 15

Grey:

After the mess at Hunter's apartment yesterday I've been nervous about going back. Of course I want to see Hunter but I really don't want to run into his mother again if our encounters are going to continue to be so unpleasant. The way she looked at me yesterday made me feel dirty, like I was a stain on the carpet you just can't get out no matter how hard you try. It hurt to have her look at me that way. I wanted her to like me.

It's probably for the best that I got out of there anyway though with the way things were going with Hunter and me. Things were going great but they were beginning to head into serious territory and even after everything I've been through with Hunter I was afraid. I was going to ask him whether he was going to leave or not before his mother walked in. I think a part of me was thankful for her interruption. I think a part of me was afraid to hear his answer. Maybe he changed his mind and he wasn't going to fight to stay anymore. I'm not sure I could handle it if he told me that.

It's crazy but when I heard that he was awake and alive at the hospital I thought that was the end of my worries, but I was wrong. I was still in danger of losing him. I was still hoping and praying every day that he wouldn't leave me, that I wouldn't lose him. I just wish that things would somehow get easier for us. That one day Hunter and I could return to where things were headed the day of the accident, to when he was coming to find me to tell me he loves me. Unfortunately though that's not the way the world works. We can't just wish for things to get better or easier. We have to wait patiently and sometimes even then things don't ever get better. I was more than ready for my luck to change though. I thought it had when I met Hunter but then life of course had to throw me another curve ball. I'm not sure how many more life changing moments I could handle at this point and I was only nineteen. For most people a life changing moment was their high school or college graduation, their wedding day, or the day they have their first child. For most people they were happy moments, but not for me. My life changing moments were gut wrenching and horrible. I was ready to start having some happy life changing moments like regular people.

It's pretty early on Sunday morning and I'm pacing around my apartment. Sam is still asleep and I wish she wasn't because I could use her as a distraction from thinking about going to see Hunter. I need to be patient, I remind myself over and over again. I should let him text me today to let me know if he wants to see me, but the nagging thought that he could be leaving in five days keeps popping up into my mind. UGH! I need to shut my stupid brain up. I can't be pessimistic. I need to stay positive until I know for sure that Hunter is leaving for good. I can fall apart after he's gone. I refuse to fall apart before then. I can't give up.

I decide to try to distract myself with school work instead of pacing around the apartment like a madwoman, but even that isn't able to distract me for long. I eventually give up on studying and take out my sketch pad and I draw. I draw several different versions of Hunter. I draw one of him before the accident from the day we got caught in the rain together remembering how I loved the way the water dripped from his hair and onto his tanned skin. I draw another one of him from before the accident on the morning when I showed him my scar as I remember all of the different emotions I saw flash through his eyes. As I draw him I'm careful to make sure I capture all of those emotions. I then go on to draw one of him from after the accident. It's from the first time he heard me laugh. It may be silly but I can't get it out of my head the way he looked at me with such fascination in his eyes. It meant a lot to me.

Once I finish the third drawing I hear Sam out in the kitchen and I drop my sketch pad and run out to see her.

"Where's the fire?" she asks in reference to my rapid speed to get out here.

"Ha Ha" I deadpan. "I have been up for hours waiting for you to get up so you can distract me from going over to see Hunter."

"Why didn't you just wake me up?" she asks.