Never let you go

Chapter 46

Hunter:

I wake up the next morning with a splitting headache and I want to die. What the hell did I do last night? Surely I wouldn't have gotten this drunk with Grey. Grey. Shit. The events of last night come rushing back to me and I feel sick. I feel like someone has stabbed me in the heart as I remember the sad broken look on her face when she saw me with the blonde bimbo and as I remember the scene on the street and her walking away. I thought I would die right there, so what did I do? I came back here and drank until I passed out. Good plan Hunter.

I really didn't deserve her but to see her walk away like that and how unsure she was of her love for me really hurt. I knew this would happen though eventually. My self-destructive behavior always gets the better of me. Part of me wanted to fix this. Who am I kidding? The main part of me, the selfish part of me was screaming at me to fix this with her. To go over to her place right now and beg for forgiveness because I'm not sure I can breathe without her, but the better part of me where the old Hunter still lived told me it was best that I let her go this way I could never hurt her again. I was really going to miss her.

In my hungover state it was difficult for me to process anything but I knew I needed to figure out my next move. Surely I couldn't stay here. If I ever saw Grey again I would lose all resolve to stay away from her so that meant I would have to leave. It was the best thing for her. She would move on one day. She'd find someone better.

I'm about to get out of bed and head into the shower because I smell like a distillery and smoke and God knows what else, but before I can I hear a pounding on my door. My heart nearly stops as I imagine Grey on the other side of that door. Would she really come back? A part of me desperately hoped she would. I pause for a moment debating whether or not I should open the door just in case it is her but as I walk towards the door I know it's not her because I don't feel her closeness, her warmth. Even in my drunken stupor last night I could feel it. That's how I knew she was behind me at the bar.

I walk towards the door feeling both disappointed and relieved at the same time. When I open the door I see a very angry Nate on the other side.

"You're a real dick you know that?" he says to me. I don't say anything because I know he's right. I am a dick. "How could you do that to her?"

"It's over Nate" I say defeated. "Just let it go."

"Let it go?" he asks incredulously. "Do you know what a mess she is right now?! I haven't seen her this bad since . . . since . . ." he trails off deciding not to share with me. "I should really kick your ass."

"Do it" I tell him not caring. I don't care about anything anymore. I lost the only thing I still care about last night. Besides I deserve it. "I'm serious. Do it."

He studies me for a moment probably debating whether or not I'm certifiable I'm sure and then he says, "No."

"No?" I ask my voice filled with disbelief and I think disappointment because a part of me would love for him to beat the shit out of me.

"No. You want to know why?" he asks. I don't answer. I'm sure he's going to tell me anyway. "Because of Grey. Because even though she's falling apart right now I know she still loves you. So hurting you would only hurt her and I'm not going to do that."

She still loves me. Hope rises inside of me but I push it back. No, she can't still love me. She needs to stop. "Why are you here Nate?" I ask needing him to get to the point of this little visit if he isn't going to kick my ass.

"I'm here to make sure you are going to get off your ass and fight for her. She needs you and I know you need her too. I see the way you look at her. You are head over heels for her and I don't blame you. She's amazing, but she's been through a lot so please go over there and make up with her." This was so not the way I imagined this conversation going. Was he seriously trying to get us back together? I broke his best friend's heart last night.

"I'm not going over there Nate" I tell him and the words actually burn my throat on the way out. "This is for the best. She deserves better."

"Do you actually believe that?" he asks. "Are you seriously going to let her go? I don't know if you remember this but you got hit by a car for her. That shows me that you think her life is worth more than your own. That proves that you would rather die than live without her."

"I would" I say seriously. "It's not a question of whether I care about her or not. I care about that girl so damn much. I would do anything for her, be anything for her, but that doesn't mean I'm what's best for her. You don't think I want to be? I've tried so damn hard to be the type of guy she deserves but I'm not. I'm poison and I'll only ever bring her pain and that is the last thing I want. I want her to be happy and safe and the only way she'll be that is if I'm gone and out of her life."

"Don't do this man" he says to me and his tone suggests that he knows it's already done. "This will destroy her. She'll hate you for this."

"Good" I say feeling dead inside. "It'll be better for both of us if she hates me." The last thing I see before I close the door is Nate's shocked angered expression.