Never let you go

Chapter 29

Hunter:

When I run into Grey and she's only wearing a towel I nearly lose it. She looks beyond hot, she looks beautiful and natural with no make-up adorning her face and her hair looks almost black since its sopping wet and falling down messily in beautiful curls down her back and around her shoulders. She's perfect. Her wet skin glistens in the light and I want so badly to taste it. I want to kiss her and touch her. When I think about how she's naked underneath that little white towel it takes everything in me not to throw her up against the wall and take her right there. I restrain myself though reminding myself that I need to take things slower. I think I was already pushing the limits last night.

When I ask her to play her guitar for I'm not sure she actually will, but she does. She plays incredibly well and her voice is so goddamn beautiful. She looks like an angel right now dressed in white with her hair falling all around her and the sunlight shining in on her. Her song choice speaks more to my heart and means more to me than I'd like to admit. Hearing her tell me that I could be the one to save her brings tears to my eyes and awakens my soul. I'm not sure she means it or truly understands what she's saying though. She can't since she doesn't know the truth about me and what I've done. I'm sure she won't say such nice things about me then.

I try to tell her I don't deserve her when she's finished playing. I need to give her the option to run before I make her mine. I'm not being entirely fair right now though since she doesn't know the whole truth but I try to push that from my mind. I tell her how I'm too selfish to let her go on my own and she tells me how she doesn't want me to let her go. She tells me she's all in. She's all in. Did that mean she loves me? I'm not sure but my heart swells from her words. I so badly want her to care for me even though I have no right to. I'm not even sure this moment is real. Maybe I'm still in the hospital unconscious. Maybe none of this is really happening. Maybe I'm dreaming. It sure feels that way sometimes. I know deep down that I'll only bring her pain and misery but the selfish part of me is choosing to believe that I'll keep her safe because that's what I want. That's all I want.

I kiss her. I kiss her gently letting her know how much she means to me. I want her to know. I need her to know. My chest aches from how much I care about her and a part of me feels guilty for having such strong feelings for another girl when I was supposed to marry Jess. I'm so conflicted. I'm such a mess. I know what I would have done before I lost my memory if this was happening. I would have gotten rip roaring drunk to numb all of the emotions inside me and I probably would have mixed in some pain killers too. I would seek oblivion and physical pain because I thought that was better than feeling the guilt and emotional pain of my existence, but being here now with Grey things were different. A part of me was still seeking the solace of oblivion but another part of me was fighting to be here, with her, because she made me feel things I never thought possible again.