Never let you go

Chapter 30

Hunter:

Another two weeks have gone by since I told Grey I'd do anything to keep her and so far things are going really well between us. Physically I'm doing a lot better so we can go out more than we have been which is good. Only two more weeks and then I can get this stupid cast off my damn leg. I can't freaking wait. I can tell it saddens Grey that my memory hasn't returned yet and I so badly wish I could fix that for her, but I can't. It's out of my control. I even went back to the doctor's last week to see if there was anything I could do but they just told me that I had to wait and see if my mind would heal. I felt helpless and I hated it.

I so badly wanted to remember and not just for Grey but for myself. I wanted to remember how we met and the first time we kissed because I was sure now that we definitely had kissed before the accident. I wanted to remember how I felt the first time I saw her and what we talked about. I wanted to know if I loved her before because I think I was falling for her now. I wanted to know everything. I know I could technically ask Grey but I have a feeling she wasn't comfortable revealing that kind of stuff to me. I think she was still holding onto the idea that I would remember everything one day. She was an optimist.

I'm meeting Grey today at her favorite coffee shop that she goes to everyday after class. She told me she could meet me at my apartment but I told her I needed the fresh air and the exercise. I'm early so I'm waiting outside and enjoying the early March weather. It's still a little cold but not too bad especially when you have the sun beating down on you, like I did right now. It felt wonderful.

I sense her coming before I see her and once I feel her near my eyes find her immediately. She's walking towards me with the sun illuminating her and I swear she's an angel. She looks adorable today with her hair pulled back into a low messy bun with wisps of loose hair framing her face. She wore her hair like this one day last week and I told her how I liked it and now this is the fourth time I've seen her wear her hair like this. It made me smile to know she valued my opinion that much. She smiles, and waves when she sees me and my heart leaps. God, I was a lucky man to have her look at me like that. She won't when she knows the truth a voice whispers in the back of my mind and I try to quiet it, to shove it back because I don't want to believe it. I need her. I can't breathe without her.

It's then that I notice there is a guy walking next to her. He's about my height and has dirty blonde hair and tanned skin. He looks like he just walked off an Abercrombie and Fitch photo shoot. Seriously did Grey not know any ugly guys? Jeez. He's talking to her and she smiles at what he says but I can tell she is more focused on me which makes me feel better.

"Hey" she says warmly when she reaches me.

"Hey" I say back and my voice comes out more unsteady than I intended it to. "Who's your friend?" I ask nodding towards the guy who is still lingering near her.

"Oh this is Grayson" she says like she forgot he was even here. "He's a tutor like me at Harvard."

I think about how Grey has never mentioned this guy in all the times we have talked about Harvard and her tutoring and her classes and I'm not sure if that is supposed to make me feel better or worse.

I decide to be a gentleman though for Grey's sake and I reach my hand out to him. "Nice to meet you" I say as he shakes my hand.

"You too" he says.

"So you guys see each other a lot?" I ask trying to hide my curiosity but it's killing me.

"Not really" Grey says. "Grayson's a junior so we don't have any classes together. We just met a couple weeks ago actually at the tutor center."

"Yea" Grayson says. "I was curious to meet the tutor who all the professors and students were ranting and raving over. Especially once I heard she was a sophomore." There is this look in his eyes and I don't like it. I know that look. He's looking at her like he can't wait to get her naked and underneath him.

"No one is ranting and raving" Grey says shyly obviously uncomfortable with the compliment.

"Yes they are" Grayson says. "So humble this one. Am I right?" he now says aiming his attention at me.

"Yep that's Grey" I say attempting to muster up a smile but it's fake. I really just want to hit this guy.

"Alright well I'll let you two go" he says and he looks like he wants to hug Grey but I think the look on my face stops him. "Bye Grey."

"Bye Grayson" she says as she takes a step closer to me.

"Nice to meet you" he says to me as he nods and his over friendly tone from earlier is gone.

"Yea man you too" I say.

He walks away from us and I watch him the whole time feeling this sick feeling in my stomach. Grey must be able to sense something is wrong because she asks me, "Are you alright?"

"Yea I'm fine" I lie. "Let's go get some coffee."

We go and get coffee and sit down and talk about our days for a while since I can't hold my coffee and crutches at the same time. Being near Grey and having her here with me helps to dull that bad feeling I was having earlier but I can still feel it lingering.

"Are you sure you're alright?" she asks me again. "It seems like something is really bothering you."

"Yea I'm sure" I lie again and I hate lying to her.

"Is this about Grayson?" she asks tentatively like she's afraid of my reaction to hearing his name.

"No" I lie again. "Why would you say that?"

"I don't know. You just seem upset about something. Did something happen earlier in the day?"

I pause for a moment thinking of the next lie to tell her and I hate myself for it. The truth is I am in this mood because of Grayson because I'm afraid he'll take her from me. I'm afraid she'll wake up and realize that he is the kind of guy she should be with because he's actually going places while I'm just drifting. I'm so damn terrified of losing her.

"No nothing happened Grey" I say taking her hand. "I'm sorry. I must just be having an off day."

"That's okay" she says gripping my hand tighter. "We all have days like that."

It amazes me how much she trust me. I don't deserve it. I'm an asshole and a liar. She deserves better. So be better a voice whispers to me. I want to be. I want to be better for her. I want to be a guy worthy of her like the guy I used to be before I lost Jess. That guy was a good guy and he was going places. He had a future ahead of him. The guy I was now was going nowhere fast and I feared the day when Grey finally woke up and realized this.