Evan's POV
I can't sleep. I might be going insane- just hear me out. Have you ever seen a spider or something else moving in the corner of your eye? Imagine that at almost two in the morning and you're running on a week old sweet tea that was nearly forgotten in the back of the fridge. It's not the most fun experience. But there's something else than paranoia.
Jared. It's always Jared. And he never knows how often it is. Well, because I can't tell him. I've never had the courage to say... anything, to him. It's weird. You're best friends with someone for years on years and when you realize you have feelings for them: that is when you get anxious. Careful to not embarrass yourself or send off mixed signals or signals you never even meant to send. It's love I guess.
It's crazy. Falling into love. It's funny how it's called 'falling' and not 'rising' into love. It's a risk everyone takes at one point or another in their lifetime, a gastly risk actually. To put yourself out there for someone: the risk, and an act of faith as you step in not actually knowing if the floor beneath will give in: the fall. (Yes I know where this is from and I practically have it memorized). You give yourself to someone, like an act of surrender which is one of the most powerful things you can do.
Love is an act of surrender. Whether you like it or not. Total abandonment... which is also one of the scariest things you can do but you're doing it for the right person, as they return that act of faith... in most cases...
The point being: I've taken that step of faith without a spotter and so, I fell. To the point I wake up from dreams of falling down buildings or better yet... being pushed off. It's kind of blurry. I can never remember my entire dream without forgetting half of it not even 5 minutes later. I've tried talking to it to Jared- without mentioning the whole love part- and he wasn't much help... which is fine! I usually asked at the wrong time anyway.
Which includes right now as I can't sleep and me currently making my way towards Jared's room. Technically it's one of the many guest rooms in Zoe's house as she announced a sleepover to anyone who would like to come. I only said yes when I knew Jared was joining too, I don't normally spend my evenings surrounded by people who make their already obvious relationship public.
I probably should have thought this through, having second thoughts at his door isn't exactly me being prepared. Or smart. I mean, what is he even going to say? What am I going to say? Dammit. Should I even be bothering him this late? He's sleeping, it would be rude... but I can't sleep... that sounds so selfish right then, damn. Know what- screw it. I'm doing it. We can both sleep when it's done. Hopefully. Rejection doesn't settle easy.
I slowly turn the knob, not making a sound. The only thing I can hear is my rapid heart beat, banging in my chest as the air becomes thin. The door creaks open and I wince, I don't hear anything from his side of the door, the coast is clear. I didn't mess up already. I open it more, giving me more room to sneak in and... I see him sleeping. Obviously he would be sleeping at two in the morning- it's his breathing. It's so relaxed and... soft. He even snores. And it's not obnoxious. It's cute.
I stop fangirling and walk up to his bed, standing at the side. I kneel down to his level and I can only see part of his face from the moonlight coming through a window. The room is still pitch black but the moon helps a bit. I bite my lip in anticipation, just now deciding if I really want to do this. He's not a morning person and that alone already scares me. God I hope he doesn't hate me.
I gently try to shake him awake, "wake up." I barely whisper, probably a bit too quietly but oh well. He stirs a bit but doesn't wake up, he makes a really cute grumble-y noise though. Knew it. I try again and get more of a reaction this time. He slightly opens his eyes and looks at me for only a second before groaning. He turns his body so he faces the ceiling and rubs his eyes with one of his hands.
He yawns before speaking- and mumbling, "mmm... what do you want..?" He whispers like I did, just a bit louder because he knows everyone else wouldn't wake up as I'm always more careful. His voice is kind of... rough? Maybe more like gruff? I don't know- he just sounds tired.
"I... umm...". I knew I wouldn't be able to say anything. Stupid idea. I mentally facepalm as I shrink down on myself. I already feel bad for waking him up, now I'm just wasting his time when he could be sleeping. How could I mess up so badly?
He just puffs as he sighs, clearly annoyed. I messed up. I should just abort, give up and leave him alone... no. I have to tell him. I won't be able to sleep if I don't and I know it's selfish but I've been hiding it for so much longer than I thought I would have to. I'm going to tell him. I'm going to tell him-
"You could've chosen someone else to wake up and bother, ya know? Just tell me what-"
"I love you." I rush out in one breath, almost as if the three words were one. I look down, anxious of his response. Not knowing what he will say or how he will react. I just know I might not be getting any sleep either way, and I'm scared. Knowing someone for years and you would think you'd know how he would react when someone confessed to them but he's never been interested in relationships. A girl confessed once and he turned her down a bit too harshly in my opinion. He could do the same to me.
I look back at him after a moment of silence. He starts to open his mouth but doesn't say anything. I start to give up hope as he sighs again, not the best sign anyway. He yawns one more time and I think he's going back to sleep. I want to apologize and take my leave and act as if nothing happened at all. But I can't. I'm stuck next to his bed as I yet to receive a response.
"... I love you too."
