It's been a few days since Jared comforted me. I was too busy dying that I didn't realize how close we really were. How it felt to just be in his arms, even though I'm a bit taller (should Evan be taller, idk). It feels weird now that I'm not holding onto something. Like when you wear a cast for a couple months and when you can finally take it off, your arm feels free but also incredibly light and it almost feels numb again.
Sorry, I'm rambling. Back to the point. I might, I might actually sort of kinda maybe beinlovewithhim. I don't know yet though! Don't rush me. Who am I talking to?
He knows where I live now though, and he knows the worst of me. Which not too many people know. They'll probably hate it too. Who wants to see a teenage boy cry when they're supposed to "have no feelings". That's probably why I'm gay.
I'm currently walking through a forest. Well, the forest. The forest where I could've died. The forest where there's so many trees you don't even make a sound. The forest where everything seems so calm, that it distracts you... from the real world and just... lets you be. Do whatever you want. You can just walk in, scream a bit, run around, let everything out, and walk right back out. And nobody would know.
It's another form of comfort. Being able to show them the real you, and you would get no judgment, no snarky (I love that word) remarks, no laughs. You're free.
Just walking along the path and breathing in the fresh air already can calm the most stressed nerves. You just relax, sometimes without even realizing. You never know what kind of wonders peace can do to you. It just has this sort of hold on you. Once you find it, it can't seem to let go. But in reality, it's you who won't let it go. Because you're selfish. You want happiness. You want security. You want to have the ability to just be yourself without having sweaty palms, or be a stuttering mess, or even make a full of yourself in front of everyone.
I finally walk up to the tree where I let my mind wander. I just focused on the scenery from up above, on the beautiful sunset. I felt so free and relaxed that I let go of all my nerves. I never even realized I let go. Of course no one knows I let go. People think I fell. That's what happened. I... fell...
I sit on the ground and lean on it. Just letting the tree support me. I put my hand on the grass and just hold the grass. It's so relieving. I slowly start to close my eyes and drift off to sleep.
Until I hear a familiar voice.
"Evan? What are you doing here?" Jared says as he sits down next to me. I open my eyes and see him leaning against the tree too. Everyone needs a little support every once and while.
"Oh, I'm just... nothing..." I couldn't really think of what to say. What am I doing? Thinking? Sleeping? Reliving my near death experience?
"I'm sure you're not doing 'nothing'". He puts air quotes around 'nothing'. I can always count on him to say something smart.
"Ha ha, you got me..." I trail off as I look back at the ground. It's a habit of mine by now,
"So what's on your mind Ev?" Jared says as he sits back up and turns towards me. I start thinking. When did he give me that nickname. I've never noticed. Maybe I should give him one.
"What do you mean... Jarebear?" I slightly laugh at the nickname. Aren't I a genius?
"U-uhm...-"
"Did the Jared just stutter?" That's a shocker.
"Shut up. I'm not used to nicknames." He laughs a bit with me. I just smile to myself, this is perfect. Just two guys, best friends, laughing at who knows what hour.
"Well you better get used to it, I'm sticking to it." I say standing up. I brush off some of the dirt from my pants. Jared lets out a small laugh and does the same thing. We start walking further down the path in comfortable silence. Until I realized something.
"I never said thank you for the other day, when you... uhm.."
"Don't mention it. We all let our emotions get the best of us sometimes. Whether we want them to or not." He sighs as he finishes talking.
Now I feel bad. He's helped me and I haven't done much in return... other than, you know, spilling his secret and turning him in. Of course I could never do that to him. He's doing it for a reason, although he's never told me what that reason is. I would ask but I feel like it's a bit too personal. I'll save it for another day.
I look over at him and he's looking at the ground with his hands in his pockets. I'm just casually playing with the hem of my shirt. I should stop doing that. I let go of my shirt but now I feel awkward with my hands. What am I supposed to do now?
I'm guessing Jared notices my discomfort, "You okay Evan? You look uncomfortable... is it because of me?" He seriously thinks he's making me uncomfortable. What happened to his sarcastic comments?
"No no no, it's not you at all. I just uhm, don't uh-" I'm fiddling with my hands as I start to finish talking, until Jared pops in.
"Oh, uhm...," he suddenly grabs my right hand and holds it (he's on my right, just making it clear), "you were playing with your hands so I just thought..." he says while still holding my hand. I squeeze it to make sure he knows I don't mind.
Then he smiles. A pure, goofy, smile. It's adorable. I don't think I've ever seen him this happy. I think we're both blushing by now. I've wanted this for so long and I never even knew it was what I needed.
I do a playful scoff and look towards the ground, shaking my head, "you're adorable." Shit. I actually said that out loud.
He immediately shoots his eyes towards me. I messed it up. He's going to think I'm weird now. He's going to let go and walk away. I start to lose grip on his hand to make it easier for him. I stop walking, expecting him to just leave, but then he grips onto my hand tighter.
"Like I said before, I'm not leaving you."
Some more cute kleinsen. I actually like how this is coming along but I do want to write other one shots because this is a one shot book. I will put this on hold but I will not be leaving it. I'll come back to it eventually, every once and a while I'll add another part to it but I have other stories I want to write too. Please don't be mad at me :(
Feel free to request other ideas for more stories though!
