Jared came over earlier to have our weekly movie night, I would suggest it to be a daily thing but knowing me I wouldn't be able to take it. That may sound confusing but let me say this, I really fricking love him and I don't think he knows. Also knowing me I would never have the confidence to say anything, I could never make the first move.
The movie was almost over and as I looked over to Jared to ask if he felt like watching another movie, he was already asleep. His face was slightly squished because of the pillow he was lying on, he had the slightest smile as he slept. I just stared in awe, he looked so peaceful and it's actually driving me insane. I had to physically hold back from kissing him right there and then.
Now that I think about it, he's asleep. I could kiss him and he wouldn't know, that could prevent me from any embarrassment. But then that feels wrong. I have a very passionate opinion when it comes to consent and kissing him without his permission, especially without him even knowing, would go against that.
But damn I want to... want about his cheek then? I would still be kissing him- and he still wouldn't know. If I could just wake him up and do it but then I'd feel guilty. He doesn't get much sleep already and I wouldn't want to make it worse. On the other hand, whatever this feeling is that's making me drawn to his lips could get worse too... screw it. I'll try to find the courage tomorrow and admit what I did... if I think he won't hate me because that would tear me apart.
I bite my lip as I get anxious, do I really want to go through with this? What if he does actually hate me and doesn't want to hang around me anymore? I decide to give myself a little more time before going to bed and turn off the tv. I look back at him and I can't even lie, I have to do this. I really need to at least get it off my chest or I won't be able to sleep. I take a deep breath, get prepared for all the ways this could possibly go wrong and slowly lean down.
Just as I'm about to reach his cheek, Jared shifts in his sleep. This normally would make me retreat and turn back but I'm already too far into to stop. Him shifting makes me accidentally kiss him on the lips and I immediately pull away flustered. Shit. Oh my god, no no no. This ruins everything I planned, he would literally hate me for this. I shoot my eyes back at him and he still looks peaceful as before but I swear his smile is a bit bigger. Oh my god I woke him up-
I can't even think as Jared pulls me back down and kisses me. It's like I can't even breathe, I stare wide eyed for only a moment, he technically kissed me back so I can too, right? After my little meltdown from before finally settles down, I'm capable enough to kiss back. It's way better than I imagined. I always thought he would be a rough and aggressive kisser, when at times would be a great thing but right now it's so soft. It's gentle, full of love and I can't stop. I move my position a bit and sit on top of him, my legs bent on each side of him.
This wasn't any of the possible outcomes I thought of, but I'm glad it is. We keep kissing as he lays underneath me, pulling me down as I sit on top. One of his hands on my shirt while the other holding my arm, his touch is gentle, probably because he's tired but still. Both my hands around his face, bringing him in. This is just... so unexpected it just- I love him so much.
It's just me and him, passionately kissing each other, showing the other how much we love them. Every once and a while we break apart for air but I seriously can't stop. I always knew Jared was special to me but he's a drug to me now, I'm addicted. Neither of us have any sexual intentions, only wanting the other's love and attention. I slowly bring one of my hands to his hair and run it through, it's so much softer than I expected but having a rough texture at the same time.
