In a Split Second

Chapter 48

#IASS48

WARNING: SUICIDE, SELF-HARM, MENTAL ILLNESS ETC.

"Die bitch! kung ayaw mo syang dispatsiyahin, ako nalang ang papatay sainyong dalawa! You deserve to die!" sigaw ni daddy habang patuloy padin ang pagsakal kay mommy.

Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko habang pinapanood ko sila. Tinakpan ko ang bibig ko upang pigilan ang paghikbi. I don't want to make a sound or else my Dad would hear me. But it was torture to see my Mom suffer.

Parang sinasaksak ang puso ko at hindi na ako makahinga. What can a six year old kid would do in this situation?

Matagal na simula noong akong saktan ni Daddy. I was abused and so is my Mom. They were always fighting everynight that's why I always wake up because I could hear their screams up in my room.

It started with just his hurtful words and I endured all that, I just said to myself that he's my father and I should be good to him but then it was not long until he started to hurt me, physically. He would lock me inside a cabinet for the whole day. It was dark and scary. I starve myself and I just kept crying and crying until I fell asleep the next day.

I tried asking Mom why are they always fighting but she won't answer. Hindi ko din makausap si papa dahil natatakot ako sa kaniya at lagi niya akong sinasaktan. Wala akong kaalam-alam kung bakit at lagi ko nalang tinitiis lahat ng masasakit niyang salita. Ang sabi niya ay huwag ako makielam sa kanila ni mommy. He threatened me if I even dared to meddle with his business.

Mom would save me but most of the time she couldn't because she has work. Kahit pa ay gusto niya akong bantayan ay hindi niya magawa dahil kailangan din niyang magtrabaho. Minsan ay kaming dalawa lang ni Papa sa bahay at ginagamit niya ang oras na iyon para saktan. Sinabi ko na sakaniya na iwan na namin si Daddy pero hindi namin magawa dahil ilang beses kaming nahuhuli at sa huli ay sinasaktan niya kami. Walang magawa si Mama dahil hawak siya ni Daddy sa leeg.

Ang daming tanong na pumapasok sa isip ko kung bakit niya ginagawa sa'min 'to. I thought maybe he could still change. I tried my best to please him and make him see that I am his child. I am his Son that loves him but everything just got worse.

It came to a point where he started hurting my Mom too. Habang tumatagal ay palala ng palala siya. He became more abusive, dangerous, and violent. It was hell.

It did not only affect me but the people around me. My classmates would avoid me because they were scared of me, that's why I don't have any friends. I didn't care at first and that I should just study well so that someday, the way Dad sees me would change. I thought I could make him proud. I was hoping, still hoping.

There's one time where I came home from school and I got a star from my homework. I was excited to tell my parents about it but then I saw my Mom lying on the floor. Tumakbo ako palapit sa kaniya at nakita ko ang sugatan niyang katawan.

I knew exactly who did that to her. I was mad until my anger turned into tears. I hated to see her like that. Unti-unti siyang lumuhod sa harap ko at malungkot na ngumiti.

"Everything will be okay, Damien."

Ayun lang lagi ang sinasabi niya sa'kin sa tuwing nakikita ko siyang nahihirapan. Eventhough she's wounded, she still managed to comfort me. 

Binalik ko ang tingin sa kanila. Nanlalabo nadin ang paningin ko kakaiyak at humigpit ang hawak ko sa laruan. Narinig ko ang lahat ng pinag-usapan nila kasama nadun na hindi ako totoong anak ni Papa. I don't know what hurts me more, finding out that all this time he wasn't my real father or seeing my Mom suffering.

It then it hit me. Sinabi ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko hahayaang makita siya palaging ganito. I'm already tired seeing her like this. I'm tired of everything.