In a Split Second

Damien

#IASSDamien

I woke up by the light that struck my face. I slowly opened my eyes and saw white walls surrounding me. I was lying in bed and I can barely move. I also noticed I was wearing a white patient gown. I then realized I was in a small room, alone. Just a small bed and a table near me with a glass of water that was half empty.

Bumangon ako at hinilot ang aking sentido. I groaned in pain when I felt a sting on my thigh. Inangat ko ang damit ko at nakitang may benda na nakapulopot doon. Napahawak naman ako sa braso ko dahil kumirot iyon.

I don't remember why and how I got here in the first place. My vision is still blurry and so are my memories. I tried my best to recall what happened but there's only fragments of it. What I do remember is a vague figure of a woman. I don't remember her face but I know she was pointing a gun at me.

"Please don't kill me, please, please." I begged

I couldn't see her because my eyes are covered with tears. I was scared because she was pointing a gun at me. I wanted to scream for help but I know no one would hear me. My leg is still throbbing paib and I'm frightened by sight of blood as well as the bodies surrounding me.

I don't know what I have done to her but I just begged hoping she'll have mercy on me. I shut my eyes closed because I saw resentment in her eyes. I can feel my body shaking and my heart's beating frantically inside my chest. I didn't mind if my tears and sweat were forming in every part of my body. My mind is in chaos so I just think about my Mom. I keep repeating and repeating her name inside my head to somehow prevent me from total destruction.

Is this the end for me? 

Am I gonna die?

But my Mom still hasn't comeback, I can't die...I can't die right now

Suddenly, a wave of memories flashed inside my head. Everything was going fast, like I was watching a movie in my perspective. How my stepfather abuses me, how my real father abandoned us, and the day when my mother left me and never came back. They were nightmares that haunted me for the past years. 

Maybe it's true that when you're in the brink of death, your life will flash before your very eyes like a film that's playing over and over again.

I wanted to scream but there's no voice coming out of my mouth. All I can hear are the different voices living inside my head. They were deafening. No matter how hard I try they won't stop, they will never stop because they're already living inside me. I just wanted to noise to be gone. I covered my ears and whimpered in pain. My head hurts like hell. It was throbbing in pain that I can almost feel it breaking in half.

I just waited for the bullet to reach me so that everything will stop but it didn't came.

Just like a nightmare, I opened my eyes. The loud screams were gone. I was panting heavily inside my chest. I swallowed hard and slowly looked up. There I saw the woman who tried to kill me but this time she's walking away, and not towards me. 

Tulala lang ako habang pinagmamasdan siya palayo. I couldn't move for a second because I thought she'd come back. I was stunned and I didn't know what to feel.

Did she hear me?

Did she hear the loud voices inside my head?

Why didn't she kill me?

Should I feel relieved because she didn't kill me?

Isn't this what I wanted?

But on the other note, I somehow wanted her to kill me.

Naramdaman ko ang panunuyot ng lalamunan ko habang pinagmamasdan siyang palayo hanggang sa tuluyan na siyang nawala sa paningin ko.

Tinignan ko ang aking sarili at bakas ang dugo sa suot kong puting polo. My eyes automatically went to my wrist down to my arm. I don't know if she noticed but there were deep cuts on it.